moments of glorious embarrassment

How irony is that? Embarrassment is never a glory.

I have faced some moments of embarrassment in my life. Sometimes, it was funny that I laughed to myself that it happened. I know you would laugh too.
That’s doesn’t complete my life.Denial of my dignity happened to me, too. I knew how it feels. I know how much it hurts.

For a little non-verbal action I did, I’ve ever got a slap in a restaurant full of unknown people and some that I knew. I was dragged out from that place by the hair. A hard push hit my back when I was almost at the exit door. How’s that sound?

How about this one?
I remembered of another time, I received a spit on an escalator. A spot of human saliva covered my chest. It was also because a tiny action I did which I think I don’t deserve to be punished that way. Every eye was on me and all I can do was held back my tears.

I know that this is not the only denial of dignity I’ve ever received. There are so many people I knew out there who may or already turn my pride down behind my back, in words form, I should add. Some do it under a state of a conscious mind and some may do it unrealized.

For all those moments I have got, I never get revenge. Yes, I got a little mad after it happened but it flew away with time shortly. I don’t punish whoever gave me that moment of embarrassment, whether I love them or not. I don’t know if I was wrong or I was too kind doing so. Perhaps, I feel doing the same makes me no better than the person.

Well I know that this happens to all of us. And I am sure that all of us do the same to one another regardless our gender and age.

Yes. I did it last night unconsciously. The worst part is, to the person I love. I was too emotional to win. too tired to think. too stupid to realized. Above of all, it seemed oblivious to me.

Yes. I received the consequence straight away too. It is way too harsh. It is full of meanness. I apologized. I begged and I plead. Though, no matter how I repent, ignorance is still bliss.

With tears, I’m signing off.


flawfull,
nfhms.

genie oh genie, please grant my wishes!

ahh..lamenye tak blogging.

i want to move into a better shelter in sahalam - the natural sauna city.
i want have a television and an astro installed. oh,a dvd player too.
i want air-conditioner in my bedroom too.
can i just have my jb's house in here?

i wish it rains everyday.
or at least, everyday is a cloudy day.
so, i don't sweat on my way to classes and thus, not to worry how messy i look like when i arrived at the faculty.

i wish make-ups can put themselves on my face by themselves.
so i save my time before i go out.

i wish i have lots of cash in my purse.
so i can go wherever i want and do whatever i like (shopping-till-i-drop to be exact) when i dont have better things to do at home.

i wish i have a personal driver.
so i dont have to bare this back aching caused by driving.
or maybe i have an auto-piloted car. hee~

i wish i could go for full body massage twice a month.
manicure and pedicure too, not forgotten.

i wish i am not a student anymore.

i wish my brain works faster than now.
so i can finish all the assignments with good qualities in a short amount of time.
therefore i have plenty of time to have fun.

i wish i can get all this now..
at this moment...yes.


want it all,
nfhms.

aku penat menjadi wanita lemah

sering kali aku berkata
tidak akan tewas kepada cinta
bukan untuk kali ketiga

perasaan itu indah
tapi bisa menyemai padah
perasaan itu magik
tapi bisa menjadi tragik

aku penat
aku lelah
menjadi wanita lemah

semua lelaki adalah serupa
marahnya mereka bila ungkapan ini singgah di telinga
namun itu adalah fakta
itulah hakikatnya

biar tidak diambil peduli
biar disakiti
biar dibiarkan perasaan ini
namun aku masih di sini

sudah berkali aku rasai
mungkin sudah aku lali
tapi
aku penat
aku lelah
menjadi wanita lemah

aku lelah...


wanita lemah,
nfhms.

i love writing. i love writing.

dear lostpinkdiary,
you've missed so many things.

there are sooo many things i wanna write here.
however, time seems envy me so much.
so many things to do, so little time i have.

thoughts,ideas, and events are overwhelming.
i just need to find a time.
to write... (:


yours truly,
nfhms.

T.E.R.I.M.A K.A.S.I.H juta-juta lemon

morning all...

my back is aching.
my jaw is painful.
my eyes are glued, cannot open.

it was a blast.
oh, thank god!

to nad,sis ayin,funzy,phye,azly,zatie & megat;
what could i ever say
to any one of you
to ever show my thanks
for made it came true.

what words would be most proper
to let you somehow know
how much i truly appreciate
the contribution you've shown?

if novels were ever written
to describe the depth of my thanks
no library in the entire world
could house them quite enough.



so,
BIG thanks guys.
only God knows how i appreciate it.

to megat:
dude,thousands of sorry.i truly am sorry.
for made you wait for such a long time...feel so bad about it.):

walaupun cuak,nervous,kene buat megat tunggu lame!,almost kantoi,reserved table almost kene amek,kene tipu sunat kat sayang,sayang pon da nak tarik muke;

remember all those happiness,
the tiredness left me. *big smile*



yours truly,
nfhms.