what so good about holiday..?

my feet. they were numb the moment i opened my eyes today. the room was still dark yet i heard a rooster yelled, giving everyone a wake up call. oh, it's morning already.
dizziness surrounded my heavy head. i looked into the mirror. my eyes swollen and my face was puffy. i look terrible.
i sighed and wondered, "what day is today?"

it is all same, old same. nothing much. i'm surrounded with boredom and loneliness. i'm still jobless, pennyless, and ugleh.

Silly Symphony

i have always wanted to learn and master at least one music instrument but i failed in doing so. i never seize the oppurtunities that i had. and now, i regret. pathetic.

i'm currently composing a song for him, so i laughed at myself. with almost nil knowledge about music, what the hell am i doing now? i hummed the melody and i always ended up humming familiar melodies. it went on and on and out of nowhere, the lyrics of the songs simply came out from my mouth.

i'm not creative or talented. at the age of 24, i'm still digging what i am amazingly good at. and that...
that made me way more pathetic. like a suffocating fish.

doubts on teaching profession :/

Day after day
Week after week
It has been a month or so since I started my practicum.

I can't even describe how I feel about it.
One minute I'm on the top of the world, another second I can cry a river.

Without doubt, teaching is the noble-st profession above all else.
Without educators, who are doctors? who are architects? who are scientists? and the list could go on.
Having to write the previous sentence, I feel the responsibility. I can feel the burden.

The first time I entered the school, it started as beautiful as Megan Fox.
To my disappointment, it's later on changed into hell.
I was bullied by them almost everyday.
I conducted their extra classes and the money goes into their pockets.

I enjoy sharing stories and exhanging ideas with my students.
Their participation are like my motivation boosters.
I melt when I see they laugh and thinking about all of these I am inspired to teach.
They are a bunch of sweethearts.
but sometimes they can be such a pain in the neck.
They hardly hand in their homework. They show no interest in some lessons.
It pinched me in the heart.

I don't find enough satisfaction in teaching.
I don't know if I could find any.
Even if I did, I know it won't last long.

Teaching needs passion,
To my disgrace, I don't have one.


yours truly,
nfhms.

finding a time

dear diary,

i miss spending time with you. how i wish i could turn back time and make it stop the moment we want it. i hardly enjoy my life now. i'm struggling to survive this practicum periods. there are so many things to be done and yet there is so little time. i wish i could share with you, just like how i used to before...

surviving,
nfhms.

boring.

moved into the house already.
few basic stuffs have been set up. (:
but still,
i feel lonely.

coz i am alone.
wey cuzzie,
cepat la datang sini!

this house is big.
i think it's nice and cozy too.
and of course, if the allowance is out,
i'm gonna spend a lot on it. ;p

well,
many thanks to abah.love you!


embracing life without transportation,hah.hah.
nfhms.