it's NOT MY FAULT.

dad yelled! at me.
for the first time after 10 years..
for something that is definitely, totally, obviously NOT MY FAULT.

2 seconds of the scene
is hurtful enough.

it hurts ,
it hurts the deepest part of my heart.

i ran upstairs.
and i cried..



hurtful daughter,
nfhms.

i am not dumb, i just can't say it out.

yes,
this feeling is indescribable.

below are some lines...
quoted from fight for this love by cheryl cole lyric.

perhaps,
it could say what's burried inside.

Just know you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home...

Anything that is worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quiting out of the question
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more...

I don't know where we're heading
I'm willing and ready to go...




sucks in expressing,
nfhms.

homesick as it has always been.

finally,
it ended.
i hate examination...

here comes the holidays.
i would like to embrace it.

mummy and daddy are in puchong now.
call after call,
text after another.
i spent some time with them today.
and
i realized how much i missed them..

i saw mummy smiled.
i saw daddy's eyes shined.
a whole lot of bucket of questions had been thrown at me.
this and that. that and this.
some i answered.
some i lied.
some i ignored.

we went out and looked for things that mummy wants.
we had simple dinner and daddy decided the menu.

i saw mummy got confused.
i saw daddy argued.
i saw mummy laugh.
daddy talked.mummy talked.
i wished i had more than a pair of ear.

tomorrow i have a job to do.

i saw mummy made face.
i saw daddy looked out through the window.
i saw mummy frustration.
mummy started to grumble,
but daddy is a cool man.

mummy's phone rang.
i got the phone for her.
and i saw her wallpaper,
it was my photo, showing my teeth.

she must have been missing me like hell.

it touched me.
i miss you, too.


will be back soon,
nfhms.

allow me

yes...
i did it
because
i am afraid there is no tomorrow.

so,
please allow me...


sedang termenung,
nfhms.

a little prayer

When God created me,
He was showing off his best creation.
A soul filled with holy purity
A heart covered with kindness
A body with strong spirits

When God loves me,
He throws me lots and loads of obstacle.
He wants me to forget Him not.
He wants me to grow stronger.
I might not get award now and here.
But I know..
He has special gift for me up there.

When God knew
That I’m strong enough,
God put bigger difficulties on my path.
To train me to be more patient
To teach me to have faith
To show me how things work in reality
To remind me He is always there for me.

and so...

dear God,
i am nothing more but a servant of you,
who walk on the earth in humility,
please listen and answer to my prayers,
is all what i ask for...ameen.


full of flaws,
nfhms.

...

i lied.

gelap

tika begini aku sendiri
kau menyepikan diri...

jauh,
nfhms.