March 11, 2014

better half

I think
my tummy has grown obvious.
people have started to notice my baby bump.
I feel excited about this.
I feel proud being an expectant mother.
This is the most amazing experience I have ever felt so far.

I am still counting days for holidays.
I want to be with my husband,
to have every meal with him.
to sleep on the same bed.
to watch the TV together.
to go out and watch movies.
to hang out with our buddies.
above all else,
to share what I am experiencing now with him.

My work is not a walk in a park. No profession is.
I only enjoyed taking the course for 6 years.
But the reality hits me really hard.
I don't enjoy teaching, I never did.
I am struggling to adjust myself at my workplace.
To find the little comfort in the midst of agony.
So that I can have that little peace as a drive to teach.

But it seems like every element in this place denies my efforts.
Everything I do goes wrong or things never really go my way.
No one tries to understand nor did I seek sympathy from the people.
A little of humanity act should do.
My world cripples each passing day.
I am sinking in and I am on the edge of breaking down.

They said I am strong.
Deep inside, I am hurt badly.
I cry when I go to sleep.
Hoping that my husband would accompany me.
But most mornings, I wake up and find myself all alone.
I begin to lose hope.
The faith that I hold on to begin to perish.

I know I didn't perform in classes.
I wanted to but I just don't have the drive.

There is nothing much I could do.
Hopeless. Helpless.

For all I need is him.
All I need is my Shamel Ali. 
For he is