February 13, 2014

halfway through the journey (:

i'm halfway through the journey.
today is my week 20. I have another 20 more weeks to go. 

the baby is actively wiggling inside my tummy. 
at first, I felt ticklish. but when he keeps wiggling, I found it fun, enjoyable, and most of all, memorable. 
I like when he keeps moving. It makes me feels that he is there. 

it was a priceless moment I have ever felt in the journey of being a mother. 

wiggle more baby. 
mommy loves it. 

happy tears,

February 8, 2014

we never know what the future holds.

It is the 7th week of school days.
but why do I feel like I have been working for 7 years. Although sighing is not good, but I sigh everyday. Maybe I sigh every time when I feel tired.

I drive as far as 90km every Sunday morning, sometimes on a Saturday morning. Roughly, I have to spend 1 hour and 30 minutes just to sit alone in the car and cruise through the dark road. That's a torture to me especially when my tummy is getting bigger and bigger.

Early in the morning, I have even wished to get a back massage or at least a back rub. That's so wrong. I don't feel healthy to have such a wish. Sometimes, I do feel jealous towards some lucky people whose workplace is just a stone-throw away.

Today, I heard a news that my school will be involved in a 'trust school' programme. An achievement? NO. I would prefer to think that we are more actually a lab rat. Many rumours saying it demands extremely high commitment from the school especially from the teachers. I would surrender if I ever had given a chance.

I know I won't be able to devote myself to my work...for I long and yearn to be by my husband's side. All I wish is to get to live under the same roof with him, eat the same meal with him, sleep on the same bed with him, every single day.

what will happen to me?

February 6, 2014

have I told you?

have I told you lately
that I love you? 

have I told you 
that I love you to the moon & back? 
that I love you as far as the eyes can see and beyond? 
that I love you juta-juta lemon? 

have I told you
that I miss you so bad?
have I told you 
that I miss you like crazy? 
have I told you lately 
that I miss you setengah mati? 

do you know? 

do you know that
I count each day to meet you again? 
do you know that
I always dream about you? 
do you know that 
not a single second passes by without me thinking of you? 

do you ever know that 
I actually
hum songs you like when I am driving?
sing our songs when bathing?
run everytime I hear my phone rings?
jump when I know the holiday will be long?

and do you know that 
my heart goes munge-munge when I saw your name appears on my phone's screen? 
my heart skips a beat when you're being romantic? 
my heart melts when you care about the littlest things? 

that's how I fill my day without you. 
mm..maybe more likely
how my day turns out without you. 

so now dah tahu kan?
sila call & text me more & selalu balik lama-lama please..? 

perindu husband,

how do I react when I knew there is a bun in the oven?

today I nak share about my feelings masa mula-mula dapat tahu I preggy. 

husband & I sempat lah honeymoon dalam 3-4 months (lebih kurang lah) after married. and husband pon keluarkan statement he wants a kid. I pon prepare myself lah kononnya. 

after dah missed first cycle of menstruating, perasaan munge-munge dah ada dah. tapi mula-mula buat UPT sendiri, result nya negative. agak frustrated di situ. I gagah kan juga untuk buat UPT at nearby private clinic. mula-mula nampak 1 line je, terus I tarik muka. 

tiba-tiba, jeng. jeng. jeng.
doc cakap 'Congrats! You're pregnant. Now, it's 6 week & 3 days. So, you can't eat this, you must eat that, blablablabla...' 

to be frank, I tak ingat dah doc pesan apa. Excited sampai nak tertonggeng lah kiranya nak share the great news dengan husband.

masa doc cakap 'Congrats' je, rasa macam nak lompat-lompat je. nak joget-joget. nak guling-guling. mau nya tak happy. gila kau. happy lah! sebab rasa dapat tunaikan permintaan besar suami & terus rasa macam isteri mithali gitew. hahah boleh? 

lepas tu balik rumah, senyum saje. I rasa time tidur pon I senyum kot. masa tu tengah counting days nak balik KL sebab year end school holidays dah dekat. hari-hari terakhir kat sekolah yang tak best tu dipenuhi dengan senyuman juga. hehe gedik. 

anyway, I felt really grateful and I thanked God for giving us the most wonderful thing ever happens to a married couple. 


February 4, 2014

first time he saw the baby on the screen.

I went for my monthly checkup yesterday morning. I felt extremely happy because husband was able to accompany me since he was still on his holiday.

This is his first time meeting my friendly doctor. He was so thrilled when he saw the baby on the 4D image on the screen. I can see his face vividly. He was clearly smiling ear-to-ear. The doctor showed him our baby's body parts and he couldn't blink his eyes. I saw the happiness on his face. He listened to our baby's heartbeats. Doctor said my baby is healthy, likes to kick (but I can't feel it because he is still small), very active. I thanked God for that.

But husband had to leave for KL after lunch. In the midst of happiness, I felt sad. He hugged me, rubbed my tummy, and spoke to our baby. I think that's cute.

Now, I'm counting days to meet him again.

i miss you sayang,