doubts on teaching profession :/

Day after day
Week after week
It has been a month or so since I started my practicum.

I can't even describe how I feel about it.
One minute I'm on the top of the world, another second I can cry a river.

Without doubt, teaching is the noble-st profession above all else.
Without educators, who are doctors? who are architects? who are scientists? and the list could go on.
Having to write the previous sentence, I feel the responsibility. I can feel the burden.

The first time I entered the school, it started as beautiful as Megan Fox.
To my disappointment, it's later on changed into hell.
I was bullied by them almost everyday.
I conducted their extra classes and the money goes into their pockets.

I enjoy sharing stories and exhanging ideas with my students.
Their participation are like my motivation boosters.
I melt when I see they laugh and thinking about all of these I am inspired to teach.
They are a bunch of sweethearts.
but sometimes they can be such a pain in the neck.
They hardly hand in their homework. They show no interest in some lessons.
It pinched me in the heart.

I don't find enough satisfaction in teaching.
I don't know if I could find any.
Even if I did, I know it won't last long.

Teaching needs passion,
To my disgrace, I don't have one.


yours truly,
nfhms.

finding a time

dear diary,

i miss spending time with you. how i wish i could turn back time and make it stop the moment we want it. i hardly enjoy my life now. i'm struggling to survive this practicum periods. there are so many things to be done and yet there is so little time. i wish i could share with you, just like how i used to before...

surviving,
nfhms.

AE, Ae, aE, @.e

mak & abah is here.
and i feel extremely happy about that. (:

they gonna be here for a week.
and i think that's quite a time.
so, abah is planning for hotel tour. hah.hah.

i'm stretching my brain,
working on my research proposal.
urgh! malasnya...

anyway,
gotta work on it.
no matter what.

p/s: need motivation booster. :p


sedang berusaha,
nfhms.

masih tidak aku berpijak pada bumi yang nyata.

hearing about practicum and academic exercise scares the shit out of me.
i'm scared if i couldn't cope up with both tasks.
i'm scared if i couldn't get an A for both.what more to impress my supervisor.

for once, i realized that i am not ready for this.
i feel the responsibility is far more too hard that i could ever imagine.
i don't feel i deserve to carry one.
it just don't suit me best.

and for once,
i realized that i am maybe a little bit too late to turn back.


stranded and lost,
nfhms.

cuak dow!

tomorrow is going to be
the one and only,
the first and last,
final paper.

and
i have no idea why am i nervous to death at the moment.
it's annoying.

anyway,
wish me luck.

*talking to myself*

oh.fark! it's so lonely to be locked up in this small room, reading and studying this alone, with no sound but the rain.



smart student (macam haram),
nfhms.

sumpah tak buat lagi

for agreeing with my thought that this one particular assignment is really such a wasting time, i repeatedly delaying the process of doing it. no matter how i hate assignments, there is no way out. deal with it or else, you would not score again for this semester.

i should have done it earlier, for a better preparation and for a better presentation. though, many factors contributes to its late progress. i did it this morning. at 2 a.m. hardcopy finished at 6.15 a.m.
never have i stayed up this late for doing my assignment.never.the most i can go is until 4 a.m.

i woke up at 8 in the morning, and rushed to the bathroom.
i was in rushing.then i checked out my timetable, the class starts at 9.30 a.m.so i jumped back onto my bed and slipped under the blanket.i dozed off.deeply.that when i awoke, it was 10minutes before class start.

damn.i haven't practiced my presentation yet.not even for a round.
i dressed up and hopped into the car and drove fast.

i was totally not ready.
my mind was in the mess state.
i tried to focus.but i can't.

what done is done.
the presentation was a bit clumsy but everything was under control.
still, i don't feel the satisfaction.
serve me right.


sumpah tak buat lagi,
nfhms.

i need drugs, seriously.

i began to hate myself.
seriously.

i should have known or able or strong enough to prioritize what needs to be priotized FIRST.
okay, i know this year started as a hell.
but i thought i can cope up with the shit by not mixing it up with my studies - that used to be the first priority in the priority list.

oh god.you gotta be kidding me.
am i affected this much?
how can it be this much?
and in return,
i just get this much?

wake up girl.wake up!

you need to prolong your attention span on the whiteboard and generate whats being teach.
what done is done.past remains as past.leave it behind.

the genesis begins.

a new semester.
a new center of attention.
same old girl.same old girl.

wants to stand up again.
wants to fight for what she's almost losing.


a fighter,
nfhms.

DL, don't go...

tomorrow..
i'm gonna sit for PTE final paper.

by now,
i don't know what i have in mind.
have i prepared?
am i ready?
i don't know.
seriously...

maybe i think too much about my pointer.
to stay in DL is what i want.
but for this semester, i can't tell.
the vision is so blurry.

bad feeling..bad feeling is inside..

too many things had happened.
it was a tragedy, i should add.
as much as i try to avoid it,
i know it had affected my studies.

it demotivates me.

*sigh*


hate when i can't focus,
nfhms.

..panda eyes..

hell week is on screen.

it is 5:49 am.

i am here,
sitting and typing this journal with panda eyes
and a can of alicafe. ;p

aches and ouchies are everywhere.
waist.neck.shoulder. name it!

test after test.
assignment after another.
i myself got confused with them. @.@

• PTE replacement test 2 : checked


• Meetings test 2 : checked


• Korean Speaking, Listening, Writing test : postponed


• PTE submission of test construction : checked


• MTLS Microteaching : today, 70% ready.

i have 15 minutes of microteaching, today.
mathematically, my turn takes place at 12.00 pm.

*nervous*


my microteaching materials

my room is a mess.
it is a beautiful mess.
nah..i'm lying.
it is a total massive mess. =.='



si tak suke sepah-sepah,
nfhms.

finally...

fuhh!

hoyeah.hoyeah.

suke.(:


p/s:

haih..
barula terasa nak mamam. ngee~ :D


si mengade-ngade,
nfhms.