December 16, 2012


here i am,
lying on my fluffy bed, writing this entry,

accompanied by a ring with saphire stone. i am loving it!


December 12, 2012


it seems like today is a lucky day for both of us. maybe it was just a luck, but i couldn't stop being grateful to God.

he passed the interview and i've received my first payment that i had been wanting and waiting for 2 torturing months.

it feels great to share the joy that you get from your hardwork with other people, especially your parents. i value this kind of thing. i feel blessed. i feel proud of myself.

it is indeed an amazing day. i shall not forget the date, for it brings precious moments for the significant people i have around me.


December 10, 2012

Of A Saphire Stone & A ring

Deep in my heart, there is a tiny hole. A hole where the tangled nervousness and un-readiness hide. The date keeps flickering in my mind. So does his face, smiles, and laughter. My hands shiver and my legs shake everytime I think of the date.

The day is coming towards me now, fast. The sparkle and blossom feelings are overwhelming but that tiny hole seems to grow bigger as well.

But I know it will be there for temporary, as I believed, on that particularly special day, that sparkles and twinkles of happiness will pave that tiny hole and surround my heart, warmly.

will be yours officially,

October 28, 2012

Monday Blues, always.

hi. been long and i should update you the moment i stepped into this school. bleargh.

i arrived at the school around 6.45 this morning. the journey was lonely but i was accompanied by the beautiful moon. it was big this morning that i feel so close to it. it was so yellow, just like my kurung today. i was sleepy while driving but managed to reach at the school safely.

i was asked to introduce myself duing the assembly although i told them i have lost my voice. and so i introduced myself with this rock and sexy voice, in ENGLISH, and all i can see is blur faces and dropped jaws. including the teachers'. surprised?

the teachers didnt speak to me since that. HAHA. i went back to the staffroom alone and do my own work. i think i like when i talk, everyone listens. just like this morning.

the school clerk has yet to settle my documents for my salary and i think it pissed me off. A LOT.
if i had a power or an authority, i'd send all the heads in KPM to a course that talks about 5 / 6 / 7 BASIC NEEDS IN HUMAN LIFE (past and present, perhaps future as well).

hmm..i'm bored. and sleepy. but feeling extremey uncomfortable. because i am now invigilating the exam, in this old wooden block. experiencing staleness..

this school hater,

August 2, 2012

missed by .01

a dream is perished.
i am sad.

i wanna throw and burn all my books and notes. still, it wouldn't give me that 0.1 that i needed. so, what should i do? mourn. should have cheated during the tests when i can.
(regret for not doing that, like seriously.)
it might have helped. but it is too late. i am fucking sad right now.

ihetchu, 0.01.

July 30, 2012

Just A Little.

As it getting damp down here,
A round shape stain spotted down there.

July 29, 2012

whoever she is, i'd say she's COOL.

i read a blog.
couldn't agree more with what J said.

it's a pure genius.

i am amazed with the way she put her thoughts into words and twists and arranges them into a genius entry.
i think i fell in love.

July 19, 2012

I Am Not A Gambler

to go wild or to sit in a dark corner alone.
to let it out or to keep it hush.
to dissappear or to endure.

to follow the heart or to listen to the head.
to be selfish or not.
to play safe or to play hard.

indecisive, still.
for every decision i make, i am scared of the consequences.
whether it will turn out better or become worse than you could imagine.

i am not a gambler.
and that makes you feel,
you're on the safe side. aren't you?


these tears.
only shed
ignorance takes place.

for once,
you have never made it up to me.
not even in subtle ways.

July 16, 2012


The key word in life is MODERATE.

If you want to be happy, be moderate.
for shit happens when you least expected.

If you want to cry, be moderate.
because crying suffocates you. excessive cry may kill you, you wouldn't know.

If you want to shower your love, be moderate.
because there is saying 'the more you love, the easier you get hurt'.

If you want to be kind, be moderate.
just so you know, out there, there people who like to take advantages on others.

If you want to be mean, be moderate.
before it trains you to be meaner and hurt more people.

If you want to spend your money, be moderate.
for you don't have any idea what it is like to be pennyless.

If you want to talk bad about others, be moderate.
before others do the same thing to you or worse and ruin your life forever.

If you want to eat, be moderate.
starvation is still out there. okay this sounds sad. mm, you might get indigestion.


excessive brings you more harm than good. remember that.

yours truly,

July 1, 2012

what so good about holiday..?

my feet. they were numb the moment i opened my eyes today. the room was still dark yet i heard a rooster yelled, giving everyone a wake up call. oh, it's morning already.
dizziness surrounded my heavy head. i looked into the mirror. my eyes swollen and my face was puffy. i look terrible.
i sighed and wondered, "what day is today?"

it is all same, old same. nothing much. i'm surrounded with boredom and loneliness. i'm still jobless, pennyless, and ugleh.

Silly Symphony

i have always wanted to learn and master at least one music instrument but i failed in doing so. i never seize the oppurtunities that i had. and now, i regret. pathetic.

i'm currently composing a song for him, so i laughed at myself. with almost nil knowledge about music, what the hell am i doing now? i hummed the melody and i always ended up humming familiar melodies. it went on and on and out of nowhere, the lyrics of the songs simply came out from my mouth.

i'm not creative or talented. at the age of 24, i'm still digging what i am amazingly good at. and that...
that made me way more pathetic. like a suffocating fish.