i cupped my hands to recite du'a and i shut my eyes, tight. as i uttering my humble words, i feel couple of tears dropped on my palm. i started to stutter. my voice hardly came out from my throat. i've wet my cheeks. tears rolled, i couldn't hold back. i ended up curling on my praying mat, crying so hard.
you don't know how my adrenal glands are producing so much epinephrine that is taking over my body this very second, making my blood vessels constrict, my heart pumping blood rapidly and my lungs take in air at a higher rate. every cell of my body is calling out your name & i am paradox. i am so alive but i feel like dying.
i don't understand why you have so much control over my emotions, you make me feel so much while you probably feel nothing.
a week has flown by slow. i feel like it has been ages since everything has changed. and i have been feeling lonely and empty ever since, frankly.
i have been wondering of so many whys. and i'm figuring out still. what kind of test is this? most of all, i feel unfair when i dont have the chance to choose even at the first place. fate already did for me.
i am unstable af now. i dont know how i will endure this alone.
it was brief yet it was the longest in my mind.
in those littlest things i secretly cherish,
i still found happiness in this agony.
although it would only last for 10 seconds before the reality slaps me,