December 10, 2010

when words could not describe,

sometimes,
i wish i could turn back time and stop it at the moment i want
and let it lasts forever that way.

sila ready.

referring to the title,
entry ni aku tulis sebab nak sumpah seranah.
so, sila ready to whom it may concern.

i have to take a bus to go to sahalam from melaka today.for my car is with my sis.
kalau aku ni ade mental sket,aku ingat aku nak sue la company bus tu.

i asked the ticket-girl,
"bus ni non-stop kan?"
that girl pon nodded.dengan muke kerek dye.
while i was about to buy the ticket,all she did was angkat kening (body language tanye nak ape la konon.panta* aa.tanye la proper question,aku ni customer beb..)

then naik bus,
boleh plak stop2 pick up orang kat tepi jalan.sanggup lalu jalan dalam,baru pastu masuk highway.
but* aa.sume orang bole je pegi melaka sentral.kau apahal, macam tuan besar nak suruh bus tunggu depan gate umah kau!

bus pon satu,kalau boleh sume RnR nak singgah.memang macam haram.
driver dye pulak just cant stop terpekik-pekik 'sia*! sia*! sia*!' when he talked on the phone with his friend because he has to drive the old and ugly bus.
bro,lu bawak passengers bro.dari sume lapisan masyarakat.siap ade tourists lagi.(tourist cari dalam buku language agaknye 'sia*' tu ape.hahaha)show some respect la.
listening to him all the way to sahalam really pissed me off.rase macam nak tembak je driver.bodoh!

da sampai sahalam,
aku turun cari cab.
pastu cab cakap kat aku,
'bodo aa adek ni.jalan kaki jelah.' pastu dye blah.mmg pu****k aa.

kau bodohkan aku?
pegi mati la lakhanat.nak aku bakar cab kau ke?
suke hati aku la.uma aku dekat aku nak naik cab.
aku bayar la bangang.memang laju je tangan aku tadi nak fail complaint.
nasib baik iman gwa kuat beb.kalau tak,aku da tendang bal** abang cab tu.

dah la lua panas, hati aku memang tengah menyirap.
pastu aku blah dari tempat cab tu, aku jerit 'BAB*!!!"


si pemarah,
nfhms.

December 3, 2010

follow-up of Take Me Out show

here goes the bad news.

the show doesn't allow muslims to participate.

so,
you won't be able to watch me on tv.too bad.

but it's okay,
cos i look better in person.haha ;p



sigh,
nfhms.

My Mood on FB

yeah.
i have nothing better to do.

i just found my mood application on fb is super duper cute and FUNNY.

sampai tergolek-golek gelak tgk image dye.
macam haram.

haha.
ok la.
i nak post my mood lagi kat wall fb i. hee~



si chomel,
nfhms.

killing loneliness

1. Beer: hoegaarden / cheep in labuan
2. Food: something i crave when i’m hungry
3. Relationships: battlefield
4. Crush: head turns
5. Power Rangers: morphin white
6. Life: isn't a bed of roses
7. The President: the bombing incident
8. Yummy: cakes, icecreams, chocs, westerns
9. Car: A4
10. Movie: august rush
11. Halloween: costumes
12. Sex: is beyond a physical pleasure per se
13. Religion: free to practice any in malaysia
14. Hate: liars and backstabber bastards
15. Fear: dark and monsters
16. Marriage: commitment & devotion
17. Blondes: are smart but brunettes are smarter
18. Slippers: banana peel
19. Shoes: hush puppies
20. Asians: small sizes
21. Pass time: try not to linger much to it
22. One night stand: lasts for only one night
23. My cell Phone: nokia
24. Smoke: veni vedi vici
25. Fantasy: remains fantasy
26. College: studying at day, clubbing at night
27. High school Life: sleeping & cheerleading
28. Pajamas: banana
29. Stars: shine
30. Center: attention
31. Alcohol: get high
32. The word love: love never tasted so good
33. Friends: forever
34. Money: flows like water
35. Heartache: leaves scars
36. Time: 24/7/365
37. Divorce: to divert
38. Dogs: bark
39. Undies: blush!
40. Parents: bankers
41. Babies: prince & princess
42. Playground: sunway pyramid
43. Song: if a promise ain't enough
44. Color: white and rainbow
45. Weddings: hot & sweaty
46. Pizza: i'm more into spaghetti
47. Hangout: somewhere chill
48. Rest: bed & pillows
49. Goal: left lipsticks mark at the goal pole
50. Inspiration: mirror…haha


si cepat bosan,
nfhms.

December 2, 2010

moaning in delight



hey leyla.
looking at your moaning-in-delight paint job,i dont mind being a lesbo.
i'm fucking seriously into you now.


lotsa love, hugs, and kisses,
nfhms.

December 1, 2010

missing the good old days

I talked for almost an hour with a good friend of mine, someone who I’d like to assume as my brother. We reminisced our good old days and we shared our current stories.

Those days with the burger stall, picnics on the beach, parties when parents weren’t at home… ;p

It was fun. I was only sixteen when I knew them. But everything is still fresh in my mind. How good I was as a matchmaker, how close we were, who cooked the best burger ever, how funny when we sold and delivered burgers to my school, how the love triangle – love pentagon – love love love began, evolved, and ended, how we comforted each other and how everything has changed.

It’s sad to admit that I feel like all of us are drifting apart from one another. As we grow older, each of us is busy making new friends and each of us is bound to other important commitments that we sometimes forgot to take care, cherish and appreciate what we ever have before.

I wish I was sixteen again.


yours truly,
nfhms.

November 21, 2010

a fruitful road trip to north malaysia

The road trip to the north was very tiring. Despite that, I gained more and more precious school of thoughts. The way to look at things changed for a better judgment, making me a better human than I was before.

Infidelity.
I’ve always thought my past is the worst. But I forgot, there are a lot more worsen than mine. Infidelity happens due to many reasons, no doubt. Lack of attention, lack of qualified dream characteristics, taking advantages, name it. But why do you seat on the pillion if you don’t like the rider? It is not necessary or I’d rather say it is unfair to put the responsibilities on the rider who brought you to the first stop and want him to bring you until the last station. It meant to be that way but not anymore in these days. It would be easier if you drop off at the first stop and go by yourself. Confrontation is the best when you feel like diverting although it hurts. Don’t do things behind someone’s back, you know it won’t get you far.

Money

Money is always the reason of women’s betrayal and diversion. Women are getting higher and higher in their personal maintenance on monthly basis. Most women would easily fall for someone whose pocket is thick, whose ride is faster, and yadda.yadda.yadda. Everyone loves money, who doesn’t? Hey, money doesn’t last long. Don’t forget, the same goes to your relationship. You may lose it over money. How pathetic.

Drugs
On a chemical substance, you’ll find everything is wonderful, everything is beautiful. But you forgot, it is over the moment it lasts. When everything is wonderful, it clouded your rational judgment. You are no more in control. You start doing irrational things which you yourself think is rationale. It creates a haywire in your brain and you broke things that you once really care of. It screwed you.

..

Yes, I personally think that there are times I found myself lack of attention from the person I love. Sometimes, time shows me that he doesn’t have a few of my dream guy characteristics. Though this doesn’t change my feelings for I know we are angels with flaws – nobody is perfect.

And to be added to the point, I myself love money. For I know I can do everything I like with it, I can buy anything that I want with it. Today, I am with someone that is not a wealthy man who can buy me an A4 today, who can buy a plane ticket to wherever I want to go, who can buy every single thing I wish I had. Hello, you don't bury money with you at the end of the day okay.

I get high sometimes. So does he. It is fun. A silly fun. But I wouldn’t go over the boundaries for I like myself to be in control. Off balance at times is normal. He knows how to resist. He knows how to handle. He knows how to take care of me. What else could I ask for?

Then be grateful.do appreciate, I bet everything will be just fine.


future.



si nak menjadi better person (konon),
nfhms.

November 9, 2010

of 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years.

"as we grow older, things seem to be less important" - RED, 2010.

maybe i should agree to this.people around me are mostly above than my age.1 year older, 2 years older, 10 years older, even up to double my age.

knowing them, i comprehend better the line i quoted above.we crave and pursue things that we most wanted during our early age and unconciously, we tend to lose some passion to earn what we want as our age is showing a bigger number.

though, befriending and mingling with all these people who are older than me made me forgot that i am still young.i forgot that this adrenaline in my veins are always rushing like there is no tomorrow.everything is still tempting to me.okay, maybe by now, there are certain things that i'm not dying for it..

i'm not the only one who forgot or too oblivous to realize but these people also forgot who i am.they assume i am like them, that things are not really important in my life anymore.they forgot who they were when they were at my age.want to chase this, want to get that, want to do this, want to grab that.when they felt it once, maybe that's the reason they're all leaving it behind.this explains fighting, break-ups, divorce, poverty, loneliness and etc.

despite the fact that i have experienced more than anyone at my age, still, i am only a 22-year-old girl who wants to experience more, who is still passionate to chase dreams, who is still appreciating life to its fullest, who is still thought everything is important in life.i still want go out late night and get high, i still want to talk crap with my friends, i still want to spend time with young adult kind of things, i still chase wealth, i still seek silly fun and happiness, i still want to be around someone 24/7..

everything still looks very inviting to me.i've to admit that i have older things and dreams which not many young adults at my age would have.this summarizes about me that both my young needs and elderly dreams are important...always have, always will.you'll never lose your passion when you set in mind that it is important, maybe not for now, but how about the future?

back to the quote above, i understand what it means.but i think

"since we live once, things never seem to be less important"


yours truly,
nfhms.

November 8, 2010

relieved? hell no!

my empty house has turned into a nicer shelter.
thanks to the neighbour in front.heh.

i just finish shooting my profile.
omg, it was really a nerve-wrecking.
i can feel like i was sooo fake.
i dont know why.i dont feel comfortable to be in front of the camera.

but done.
i dont know how it will be.
but if u watched me,
please don't laugh!!

November 7, 2010

invisible gap

i feel like we're drifting apart.

i feel you walk away.
each passing day, the distance seems to be greater.

i realized this long before today.
only now i have the guts to say.

i heard no more stories.
but i should be grateful i still hear few laughters.

i concealed my disappoinment with smiles.
and try to engage with you every time i got the chance.
but my attempts failed.

i dont know what you keep inside.
but with open heart i'm waiting and ready for you to let me know.

i miss you.
i really value you.

dear bestfriend,
forget me not.
for i always love you, till the end.


yours truly,
nfhms.

November 5, 2010

zoo negara, kemensah, nong & jimmy.


from left, clockwise: boyfriend, boyfriend's friends, boyfriend's friend's girlfriend, girlfriend.

sayang's shoes torn up, again. one after another. so he has to wear his sport shoes.
he looks funny.hee~

i fed the gigantic elephant a sugarcane.
i can see its big and round nosestrils at the end of its trunk.
it's pink.and i screamed as it grabbed the sugarcane.

tiger slept.lions slept.others slept too. =.='
i was so depressed.

i enjoyed the show by BART? BARD? BUTT? (whatever) the sealion.
he's smart and cute.i started to think to have one.if only i was allowed.
i waited for the dolphin but there was none. ):
but i saw the penguins swam.awww, they're so fuckin' cute!

well,the monkeys were really camwhores!
they posed, posed and posed.
i spotted one male monkey.i think he's handsome.he smiled at me, acted as if he knew that i was recording his movements.then, he ran.i think he's shy!

my friends and i continued the journey to kemensah waterfall.
i captured the scenic views.houses at the hill, at the valley, are all beautiful..very very beautiful...sayang said i can have one like that in the future.i smiled.
it is a public holiday, kemensah is full with cars and of course, people.
so, we cancelled our plan to splash ourselves with water.haish..
the car's skirt got scretch somemore.aiyo...

our tummies crocked.
so we went to nong & jimmy restaurant and filled our craving tummies with seafoods.i still remember the taste of the steam siakap.the delicious seafood tomyam.the kangkung belacan...i drooled even before the boyfriends ordered the menu.yummy!

i appreciate all these moments.
it meant to be kept forever.


p/s: can i ask for more trips like this again, sayang?


smiling all the way from morning,
nfhms.

November 2, 2010

us

this is what i liked, always like, and will forever like about us.

when we start our day separately,
we will wear the same colour for our outfits.

i wear green,
you wear green.

you wear white,
i wear white.

i wear red,
you wear red.

you wear black,
i wear black.

i think
we're cute in our own way. (:


love you always,
nfhms.

take me out

I received a phone call from ntv7. They asked me to go for the audition for a new reality programme called ‘take me out’. It is a so called dating show.

I am not in searching for a partner. I already have one.

But many agreed me to go for it.
to make it as a platform to create a name.
to uplift the reputation.

I am not desperate to get acknowledgement from the world. I already have my own world.

Still, I went for the interview (not sure what is my main intention of going there) with few friends as my companion. Unfortunately, I got they involved with it too. Ntv7 insisted them to fill in the form.

A day later,
I received a phone call from ntv7 again. I’m selected to be the contestant. So do my guy friends.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I don’t have any idea. Please take me out from here…


screaming OMG,
nfhms.

October 31, 2010

i'm starting to get confused.

We are the same.
We are equal.
Never forget that you did it. So do I.

What make us different are,

You never listen to explanation
You never appreciate the efforts of consoling
You never liked untangling a mess
You never think of the intention

All you listen is to your heart
All you appreciate is your anger
All you like is ignorance
All you think is what you thought was right


insignificant,
nfhms.

October 25, 2010

strawberry rocky for breakfast

a mountain of hell assignments have been submitted.
except for my creative writing portfolio and journals.
sir hadi is very considerate.
though, i haven't started any of it yet.yay...

this semester is really a tough one.
i couldn't imagine how next semester would be like.
would i be dead?

8 subjects man.8 subjects. *shaking my head*
and every lecturer acted as if i, we, the students only need to focus on their's subject..
please do this.submit it by tomorrow.
please do that.submit it by next week.
don't forget to...bla.bla.bla.
i don't want...yadda.yadda.yadda.

urghh..it's driving me nuts.
i know marks wouldn't be worth the efforts.
what are you expecting from us?
we have the right to live as a human.
to enjoy life like any other people do.
to have a good rest and not falling sick towards the end of every month.

writing it here wouldn't change anything.
i know..i know..
but i feel like sharing of what i thought about this whole torturing semester.

well, today i'm kinda free.
i am munching strawberry rocky and thinking of what to do next..ngee~

October 10, 2010

turning 22.oh! thanks, anyway.

today,
i feel like writing.

i know i should have posted this earlier.
maybe 2 months ago.but time has been so envious.
plus, no words could ever describe exactly about what i am going to write.

it is about a candle-blowing scene.
which i will not forget.never.

thinking about the hardship,
i didn't expect anything on my 22nd birthday.
i lied.i did expect something.long before the date.
maybe about 3-4 months before.

time acted like a refreshing substance.
it was like after a long hangover, i came to conscious state of mind.
i realized,i shouldn't expect anything.
'there's always next time.' i whispered.

a day before the day was like any other day.
same thing.same routine.
i didn't sense anything.until the eve of my day.

i went out before the eve,
did some sport thingy which i always do on weekly basis.
similar to any other sporting night,
i normally go for a drink to freshen up after finished playing.

the fans suddenly stop spinning.
the lights suddenly went off.
i thought the restaurant is closing.
why didn't they inform? i was a little panic.

a dim light coming from my left sight.
a row of candles were heading to where i sat.
i heard people sang a song.a familiar one.

i was speechless.i suddenly felt shy.
that i leaned over a shoulder beside me and covered my face behind it.
there they were.
holding a cake with burning candles, showing their teeths.

oh my god.
i smell bad you know.
oh,c'mon.after 2hours of sheding sweat?

a kiss dropped on my right cheek.
'happy birthday'.
i felt like crying.crying of happy tears.
touched tears.contented tears.name it.

as always,
it was brief.
yet meaningful enough.

under that circumstances,
you should just wait till next year.
don't get me wrong,it was lovely.
but really, you didn't have to do it.

well,
i like the idea of receiving flower.
even though the fact that the surprise was flower-less.

i couldn't express how i appreciate what happened on july 27, 2010.
but all i can say is
thanks...


fruit heaven


wordless,
nfhms.

October 5, 2010

mari bersukan

dah lamenye tak maen badminton.
tapi tadi sayang ajak.
macam bermunge-munge sikit hati.
tapi badan pulak rase tak sedap.haish.
bukan ke aritu dah baik ke?
baru je kan?

kalau dah maen,
tak boleh maen sikit-sikit.
mesti kene maen all out.
barulah puas.
barulah namenye bersukan.

tapi nanti lepas maen,
saket pulak sini sane.semane?

esok pulak kelas pagi.
tapi dah lame ni tak maen ni...

tapela.


pemain badminton estate, ;p
nfhms.

September 24, 2010

moments of glorious embarrassment

How irony is that? Embarrassment is never a glory.

I have faced some moments of embarrassment in my life. Sometimes, it was funny that I laughed to myself that it happened. I know you would laugh too.
That’s doesn’t complete my life.Denial of my dignity happened to me, too. I knew how it feels. I know how much it hurts.

For a little non-verbal action I did, I’ve ever got a slap in a restaurant full of unknown people and some that I knew. I was dragged out from that place by the hair. A hard push hit my back when I was almost at the exit door. How’s that sound?

How about this one?
I remembered of another time, I received a spit on an escalator. A spot of human saliva covered my chest. It was also because a tiny action I did which I think I don’t deserve to be punished that way. Every eye was on me and all I can do was held back my tears.

I know that this is not the only denial of dignity I’ve ever received. There are so many people I knew out there who may or already turn my pride down behind my back, in words form, I should add. Some do it under a state of a conscious mind and some may do it unrealized.

For all those moments I have got, I never get revenge. Yes, I got a little mad after it happened but it flew away with time shortly. I don’t punish whoever gave me that moment of embarrassment, whether I love them or not. I don’t know if I was wrong or I was too kind doing so. Perhaps, I feel doing the same makes me no better than the person.

Well I know that this happens to all of us. And I am sure that all of us do the same to one another regardless our gender and age.

Yes. I did it last night unconsciously. The worst part is, to the person I love. I was too emotional to win. too tired to think. too stupid to realized. Above of all, it seemed oblivious to me.

Yes. I received the consequence straight away too. It is way too harsh. It is full of meanness. I apologized. I begged and I plead. Though, no matter how I repent, ignorance is still bliss.

With tears, I’m signing off.


flawfull,
nfhms.

September 20, 2010

genie oh genie, please grant my wishes!

ahh..lamenye tak blogging.

i want to move into a better shelter in sahalam - the natural sauna city.
i want have a television and an astro installed. oh,a dvd player too.
i want air-conditioner in my bedroom too.
can i just have my jb's house in here?

i wish it rains everyday.
or at least, everyday is a cloudy day.
so, i don't sweat on my way to classes and thus, not to worry how messy i look like when i arrived at the faculty.

i wish make-ups can put themselves on my face by themselves.
so i save my time before i go out.

i wish i have lots of cash in my purse.
so i can go wherever i want and do whatever i like (shopping-till-i-drop to be exact) when i dont have better things to do at home.

i wish i have a personal driver.
so i dont have to bare this back aching caused by driving.
or maybe i have an auto-piloted car. hee~

i wish i could go for full body massage twice a month.
manicure and pedicure too, not forgotten.

i wish i am not a student anymore.

i wish my brain works faster than now.
so i can finish all the assignments with good qualities in a short amount of time.
therefore i have plenty of time to have fun.

i wish i can get all this now..
at this moment...yes.


want it all,
nfhms.

August 29, 2010

aku penat menjadi wanita lemah

sering kali aku berkata
tidak akan tewas kepada cinta
bukan untuk kali ketiga

perasaan itu indah
tapi bisa menyemai padah
perasaan itu magik
tapi bisa menjadi tragik

aku penat
aku lelah
menjadi wanita lemah

semua lelaki adalah serupa
marahnya mereka bila ungkapan ini singgah di telinga
namun itu adalah fakta
itulah hakikatnya

biar tidak diambil peduli
biar disakiti
biar dibiarkan perasaan ini
namun aku masih di sini

sudah berkali aku rasai
mungkin sudah aku lali
tapi
aku penat
aku lelah
menjadi wanita lemah

aku lelah...


wanita lemah,
nfhms.

August 26, 2010

i love writing. i love writing.

dear lostpinkdiary,
you've missed so many things.

there are sooo many things i wanna write here.
however, time seems envy me so much.
so many things to do, so little time i have.

thoughts,ideas, and events are overwhelming.
i just need to find a time.
to write... (:


yours truly,
nfhms.

August 21, 2010

T.E.R.I.M.A K.A.S.I.H juta-juta lemon

morning all...

my back is aching.
my jaw is painful.
my eyes are glued, cannot open.

it was a blast.
oh, thank god!

to nad,sis ayin,funzy,phye,azly,zatie & megat;
what could i ever say
to any one of you
to ever show my thanks
for made it came true.

what words would be most proper
to let you somehow know
how much i truly appreciate
the contribution you've shown?

if novels were ever written
to describe the depth of my thanks
no library in the entire world
could house them quite enough.



so,
BIG thanks guys.
only God knows how i appreciate it.

to megat:
dude,thousands of sorry.i truly am sorry.
for made you wait for such a long time...feel so bad about it.):

walaupun cuak,nervous,kene buat megat tunggu lame!,almost kantoi,reserved table almost kene amek,kene tipu sunat kat sayang,sayang pon da nak tarik muke;

remember all those happiness,
the tiredness left me. *big smile*



yours truly,
nfhms.

August 20, 2010

forever ecstacy addict

a stranger you're once,
with a gentle look you took my hands.
i feel love of passion
the ecstasy that knows no ration.

words twist and tumble through my mind
but i can't grab the right word or the right line.
that's how you made me,
not an awkward silence but speechless always be.

some say perfection is unattainable
for most things that's explainable,
in your arms and with your heart's affection,
i found a brief moment of perfection.

in this paradise, i would like to stay.
you keep me amazed.
you keep me dazed.
my brand new ecstasy is what i praised.

i love you,
always have.always will.

.baby.


p/s: happy birthday sayang.













august 20, 2010 ampang.

August 3, 2010

mtv worldstage 2010

rocked on the mtv worldstage
would be one of my unforgettable moments for this year.

wonder girls are superbly HOT and sexy in person.
tokio hotel is amazingly energetic.
katy perry is so fucking CUTE and naughty on stage.
not forgotten, bunkface can perform live really well!

it rained all the way,
but it was worth to be there...

July 24, 2010

awaited moment flew, away with the sunrise.

in rage, in rush
i didn't wake up in hush.

in the clueless state, in a sudden blink.
i feel so empty.

in pain, i am sad.
oh! i am alone on my bed.


wait-er,
nfhms.

July 23, 2010

creative writing : shapely poem

measured by miles
you are far from me.
measured by thoughts
you are closer to me.

you are not the food that i need
you are the nourishment of my soul.
you are not my will to survive
you are my reason for living.

it is with you that i triumph
over the challenges in my path.
it is with your patience and wisdom
that calms my restless nature.
it is with you i discover
my true self.

you are my better half.
yes, you complete me.
yes, we are compounded in nature.


better-half,
nfhms.

July 21, 2010

a piece of trash

i'm sorry
i can't afford a better shelter for you.

too many things make you feel uncomfortable being here.
lack of this.lack of that.

i know how you feel.
because i have the same feelings.
if i know the feeling,
i can imagine what more if it's you.
maybe yours are beyond than mine.

uncomfortable.
90% insecured.
less freedom.
full of boredom.
almost every action has its limitation.

every time i try to make you feel better,
you make me feels useless.
what i said fly to no direction.
what i do is merely a doll's action.

maybe time heals better than i do.
or maybe we are driving too fast.


not a painkiller,
nfhms.

July 19, 2010

sumpah tak buat lagi

for agreeing with my thought that this one particular assignment is really such a wasting time, i repeatedly delaying the process of doing it. no matter how i hate assignments, there is no way out. deal with it or else, you would not score again for this semester.

i should have done it earlier, for a better preparation and for a better presentation. though, many factors contributes to its late progress. i did it this morning. at 2 a.m. hardcopy finished at 6.15 a.m.
never have i stayed up this late for doing my assignment.never.the most i can go is until 4 a.m.

i woke up at 8 in the morning, and rushed to the bathroom.
i was in rushing.then i checked out my timetable, the class starts at 9.30 a.m.so i jumped back onto my bed and slipped under the blanket.i dozed off.deeply.that when i awoke, it was 10minutes before class start.

damn.i haven't practiced my presentation yet.not even for a round.
i dressed up and hopped into the car and drove fast.

i was totally not ready.
my mind was in the mess state.
i tried to focus.but i can't.

what done is done.
the presentation was a bit clumsy but everything was under control.
still, i don't feel the satisfaction.
serve me right.


sumpah tak buat lagi,
nfhms.

July 14, 2010

discomfort

my hands shiver.
my feet are cold.

i feel dizzy.
i don't feel good.

i feel like throwing up.
i need discomfort-killer syrup.

weaker,
nfhms.

dear abah...

dear abah,
do you hear me?

i really want to talk to you but i can't pick up your call.
i am sorry.

i'm crying.
i dont want to worry you.i wish i could tell you what i'm going through here.
i wish i could share every single thing with you.i know, i just can't.

but i want you to know,
that i miss you and mom so much.

abah,
adek nak balik...T.T


your daughter,
nfhms.

July 13, 2010

....

why dont you ask for my hands when we walk together?
why dont you hug me when you know that i need one?
why dont you pet me when i cant express my feelings?
why dont you do things that you used to do before i become yours?
why dont you try to comfort me instead of asking me questions?
why dont you read me like a book as you always did before?

love can be broken into percentages.so keep some for yourself.
that's what i always tell myself.to bare in mind.
no matter how many times i remember that,
i always failed.

to love someone whole heartedly,
to prioritize my loved one,
that's just the nature of me.


.....,
nfhms.

you're not my grandpa, you're not my granny but i always remember you.

one night,
my friends and i went out to watch one of world cup 2010 matches.

we stopped at one petrol station at the federal highway while waiting for the other friends.

as my friend parked our car,
i saw a taxi beside us.

my eyes caught on the driver.an old taxi driver.
he was sleeping.sleeping as in nodding position.
with melting ice-cream in his grasp.

it touched my heart.

why doesn't life give him lots of passenger?
why doesn't life help him a little?

he woke up not long after we parked there.
he looked helplessly at the ice-cream.
he didn't continue eating it...

perhaps,he doesn't have the appetite anymore as the ice-cream is melted.

and

today,
i went to a restaurant for lunch.

while queuing to choose the foods;
beside me,
stood another old man.

he is thin.
he is shrinking.

i heard he called a waitress.
i heard what he said:
"can you help me to pour the food in this plastic bag? i'm scared if i do it myself, it will mess up this place."

again,
it struck my heart.

i couldn't bring myself to look at him.
as my eyes go wattery.

i sat down with my meals on the table.
but i couldn't eat them.my mind still on this one old man.

and then,
i saw him.walked out from the restaurant.
and he reached his bicycle in a snail slow motion,
before he dissapeared from my gaze.

i have come across this situation many times.
and every single time i encounter an old man or an old lady,
i have the same feeling
and
i feel like crying
looking at their face.
for i know, behind them lies a thousand indescribable feelings.


not your granddaughter,
nfhms.

July 12, 2010

urgh...

kenape mesti nak STRESS?

yang mengalami stress,
nfhms.

July 6, 2010

an attempt to kill the loneliness

sunyi...
meskipun kau ada di sisi.


loner,
nfhms.

June 10, 2010

i need drugs, seriously.

i began to hate myself.
seriously.

i should have known or able or strong enough to prioritize what needs to be priotized FIRST.
okay, i know this year started as a hell.
but i thought i can cope up with the shit by not mixing it up with my studies - that used to be the first priority in the priority list.

oh god.you gotta be kidding me.
am i affected this much?
how can it be this much?
and in return,
i just get this much?

wake up girl.wake up!

you need to prolong your attention span on the whiteboard and generate whats being teach.
what done is done.past remains as past.leave it behind.

the genesis begins.

a new semester.
a new center of attention.
same old girl.same old girl.

wants to stand up again.
wants to fight for what she's almost losing.


a fighter,
nfhms.

June 6, 2010

jewit kuhat-kuhat: aaaaaa!!!!

i’m a mess.
this is what i don’t like hate about DISTANCE.

DISTANCE:

enough words.
they just don’t work on me.

i want physical touch.
i want practical action.
i want tangible authentication.
something that i can see.touch.and feel.

i don’t like what i feel now.
i hate this feeling.

don’t tell me to sleep because i don’t need sleep.
don’t tell me to eat because i don’t want to eat.
don’t tell me to empty my mind because i can’t stop thinking.
don’t tell me to rest because i don’t need a rest.

all i need is you.
all i want is you.

you;
you are the poison.
you are the only remedy.

damn.


yours truly,
nfhms.

June 2, 2010

New Esctasy Addict

dear lostpinkdiary,

have you been well?

it has been long since my last update. I really miss talking to you my silent listener. It’s June, time really flies fast. It is really fast, I mean it.

at this moment,

some people might be sleeping. some might be having a nightmare and for some might be in their fantasy sweet dream. some might be talking crap on the phone. some might be pleasuring themselves with sexual intercourse with the one they love or most probably with someone they just knew 5 minutes ago. well, here I am. lying on the bed. alone. lonely. only. craving for him, to be with me.

yes, him.

some say move on and live your life. some presume moving fast shows you loved the one who left you less. some think you have learned to love yourself better and it is good and great and they even thank God when you get over it fast.

I fall into the second group, obviously. Anyway, I don’t really care what people think or say. To hell they may go if they dare to oppose where I am standing now.

referring to my quotation ‘happiness comes easily if you let it’, I couldn’t agree more. served me right for came out with it but unrealized-ly not believing in it and moron-ly not practicing it for the past few years. Lesson learned and I bet I am a better lover now.

to you, my new found love,
doubt me not, my love.
this feeling is new. this feeling is true.

have faith, my new ecstasy.
in me. in you. in us.
for i am addicted to you,
addicted to you perfectly.




forever yours,
nfhms.

May 20, 2010

it's NOT MY FAULT.

dad yelled! at me.
for the first time after 10 years..
for something that is definitely, totally, obviously NOT MY FAULT.

2 seconds of the scene
is hurtful enough.

it hurts ,
it hurts the deepest part of my heart.

i ran upstairs.
and i cried..



hurtful daughter,
nfhms.

May 9, 2010

i am not dumb, i just can't say it out.

yes,
this feeling is indescribable.

below are some lines...
quoted from fight for this love by cheryl cole lyric.

perhaps,
it could say what's burried inside.

Just know you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home...

Anything that is worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quiting out of the question
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more...

I don't know where we're heading
I'm willing and ready to go...





sucks in expressing,
nfhms.

May 8, 2010

homesick as it has always been.

finally,
it ended.
i hate examination...

here comes the holidays.
i would like to embrace it.

mummy and daddy are in puchong now.
call after call,
text after another.
i spent some time with them today.
and
i realized how much i missed them..

i saw mummy smiled.
i saw daddy's eyes shined.
a whole lot of bucket of questions had been thrown at me.
this and that. that and this.
some i answered.
some i lied.
some i ignored.

we went out and looked for things that mummy wants.
we had simple dinner and daddy decided the menu.

i saw mummy got confused.
i saw daddy argued.
i saw mummy laugh.
daddy talked.mummy talked.
i wished i had more than a pair of ear.

tomorrow i have a job to do.

i saw mummy made face.
i saw daddy looked out through the window.
i saw mummy frustration.
mummy started to grumble,
but daddy is a cool man.

mummy's phone rang.
i got the phone for her.
and i saw her wallpaper,
it was my photo, showing my teeth.

she must have been missing me like hell.

it touched me.
i miss you, too.


will be back soon,
nfhms.

May 4, 2010

allow me

yes...
i did it
because
i am afraid there is no tomorrow.

so,
please allow me...


sedang termenung,
nfhms.

a little prayer

When God created me,
He was showing off his best creation.
A soul filled with holy purity
A heart covered with kindness
A body with strong spirits

When God loves me,
He throws me lots and loads of obstacle.
He wants me to forget Him not.
He wants me to grow stronger.
I might not get award now and here.
But I know..
He has special gift for me up there.

When God knew
That I’m strong enough,
God put bigger difficulties on my path.
To train me to be more patient
To teach me to have faith
To show me how things work in reality
To remind me He is always there for me.

and so...

dear God,
i am nothing more but a servant of you,
who walk on the earth in humility,
please listen and answer to my prayers,
is all what i ask for...ameen.


full of flaws,
nfhms.

May 2, 2010

...

i lied.

May 1, 2010

gelap

tika begini aku sendiri
kau menyepikan diri...



jauh,
nfhms.

April 28, 2010

DL, don't go...

tomorrow..
i'm gonna sit for PTE final paper.

by now,
i don't know what i have in mind.
have i prepared?
am i ready?
i don't know.
seriously...

maybe i think too much about my pointer.
to stay in DL is what i want.
but for this semester, i can't tell.
the vision is so blurry.

bad feeling..bad feeling is inside..

too many things had happened.
it was a tragedy, i should add.
as much as i try to avoid it,
i know it had affected my studies.

it demotivates me.

*sigh*


hate when i can't focus,
nfhms.

April 21, 2010

against all odds

Some things are better left unspoken
I couldn’t agree more
Though, there are things that need to be told for its later consequences could be more harmful.

After all the days of despair
I never hope to see the rainbow again
Because I know,
The rainbow comes just to slip away.

It pinched my heart.

I am now dancing on broken glass
I realized I couldn’t hold the pain

I started to think of what I have
And to think that this chance I nearly lost
I feel like giving up

So I am holding on to your words;
This feeling is mutual
And I am willing to wait
For things to be real..

Take your time
Because,
In this agony
I still found a little happiness…



yours truly,
nfhms.

April 13, 2010

a weekend to remember

the scenic view of KL tower captured my eyes.
i sat there on the couch with few companions.
chill…i like being at high places.
the attic or whatever you may call it, is damn pretty.
the lines of japanese bamboos are so green.
it made me feels almost like home.

never have i thought that,
that night outing gonna be that fun. gonna be to that extend.
doing something unplanned,
when we thought it was already late. we made it happened.

it freaks me in a way,
but presented me pleasure in many ways. (:
it is a guilty pleasure.

well,

nothing much i did on Saturday.
but stayed at home,
rolling on the bed. tumbling to left and right. from morning to night.
yes, i rolled in excitement.

it is a Saturday, April 10th.
the one that i must remember.
i will always remember…

last Sunday was really a Sunday.
i mean it.

i took the ride with a smile.
i smiled along the journey. ngee~ :D

hearing the sound of water lapping,
made my heart jumps like a monkey gets a lorry of bananas.

that is what i have longed for…
fresh and cool. relax and beautiful.
that’s the beauty of nature.

i got wet. she got wet. they got wet.
we splashed the water and drenched each other.
two fell, two almost carried by the river.
two laughed because another two shivered.
and
a frog watched the whole scene.

the journey continued.
and i was still smiling…

colmar tropicale is beautiful.
made me feel like a character in the fairytales.
we climbed up the tower and we went down the stairs.
we snap! snap! snap!
till we realized to have a sit is relieving.

soon i had to part.
distance is not my favorite. haish…
i tighten up the grasp; refused to let go.
but i had to
and so, i carved a reluctant smile.

though…

it is, indeed,
a weekend to remember.


weekend lover,
nfhms.

April 9, 2010

full stop

when you put all the chaos a full stop,
i might have made a promise
to be waiting and wanting.
and
i might have made a promise
to accept the come back, anytime.

i have to agree
that i have been such a fool.
to believe in uncertain chances.
to remain as angelic as the angels.
to care about others' feelings and
being so ignorant to mine.

i am ashamed to admit
up till this extend,
i still put others before me.
scared if i ever hurt their feelings.
fear of making them sad and dissappointed.

maybe i am a devoted worshiper to the love i have for you
still and always will
that i always feel responsible to your mess
and try to untie the tangles that others create
regardless what costs me.

as time passing by,
i learnt.

maybe now it is the time
let me put one too.
a full stop.



the rain will stop
when the sky has no more tears.

the leaves will fall
when its stem gets rot and old.

this feeling stays true
let it be there, let it be a statue.
hush there...
a feeling to remember.

this feeling doesn’t want any chance
it wants you to keep on the run.

don’t come back
because
you can’t be faithful.

don’t give me another promise
because
you never keep one.

stop hurting me..

this is the ending.
you put a full stop.
it is a full stop.
it means, enough…



yours from the past,
nfhms.

p/s: *praying hard for your happiness*

April 7, 2010

miss you already

i missed you.

i have missed you.

i miss you.

i am missing you.

i will miss you.

always have.always will.


p/s: i hate to see your back.





yours truly,
nfhms.

April 2, 2010

..panda eyes..

hell week is on screen.

it is 5:49 am.

i am here,
sitting and typing this journal with panda eyes
and a can of alicafe. ;p

aches and ouchies are everywhere.
waist.neck.shoulder. name it!

test after test.
assignment after another.
i myself got confused with them. @.@


  • PTE replacement test 2 : checked

  • Meetings test 2 : checked

  • Korean Speaking, Listening, Writing test : postponed

  • PTE submission of test construction : checked

  • MTLS Microteaching : today, 70% ready.


i have 15 minutes of microteaching, today.
mathematically, my turn takes place at 12.00 pm.

*nervous*


my microteaching materials


my room is a mess.
it is a beautiful mess.
nah..i'm lying.
it is a total massive mess. =.='



si tak suke sepah-sepah,
nfhms.

March 22, 2010

stranded in a beautiful paradise

when i said,
time flies. i mean it.
time really flies fast. i hate it.

it has been long since i last feel this way.
a feeling that is beyond words to describe.
the one that is for me to embrace,
keep and celebrate.

being there is a bliss.
an infinite one, eternal.
...irony. it does not last long.

i wish for a little more time.
to be there.

it was a paradise.
indeed, a beautiful one.


p/s:
*extending my hearfelt gratitude and thanks to C and A*



enjoy being with you,
nfhms.

March 19, 2010

please stay, don't go.


the sky is crying.
but i like it..

i missed
the smell of it.
and the taste of it..


i miss to walk in the rain,
nfhms.

March 18, 2010

finally...




fuhh!

hoyeah.hoyeah.

suke.(:


p/s:

haih..
barula terasa nak mamam. ngee~ :D


si mengade-ngade,
nfhms.

March 17, 2010

@.@

shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.
shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.
shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.
shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.
shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.
shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.
shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.shit.

thank you.


gone insane,
nfhms.

spoken vs written

i've written this one year ago, if i'm not mistaken.
and i've posted it in my facebook notes.

yet,
i feel like putting it here.

so, here it goes.

SPOKEN vs WRITTEN

what is spoken flies;
somehow or rather, it remains.
spoken is associated with nonverbal elements.
the smiles, the frowns, the winks,
the intonation, the body gestures are somehow is captured and stored in our mind.

what is written remains.
it doesn't fly, yet words are only words.
it stays as a document.
it is not important on how it is presented.
written can be manipulated. we can't see truth in writings.
we can't see smiles or frowns, we can't see anger, love or resentment.

spoken or written,
one flies and one stays,
the face you see and the words you read,
is everything that important anyway.

what are faces, what are words,
when meaning is absent,
everything becomes nothing...




indisicive as always,
nfhms.

March 16, 2010

jiwa kacau

tak tenang.
tak tahu kenape.
tak suke. ):

time flies

time flies like an arrow,
fruit flies like a banana...

yeah.
time really flies fast, unrealized.

now, it is the middle of march.
only now i realized i'm getting closer to the final exam. *clears throat*
tons of assignment need to be done and submitted before the exam starts.
must stay in DL.must stay...

need more efforts.must put more efforts.

my room is a mess.=.='
this happens, towards the end of every semester.

i wish time could slowdown its speed.
or perhaps i could turn back time.
must be fun and helpful if i have the 'click' remote... :D

so little time yet so many things to do.
*sigh*



yours truly,
nfhms.

March 15, 2010

Get Wet

first of all,

i’m so sorry.

i know i promise to update you always about my days spent at Pangkor but i failed to keep my promise.

time spent was too precious that i have second thought of updating everything straight away of i had done there. one thing after another made 3 days being there feel so short.

ironically, nothing much i did there but drenching myself in the wide sea.

again, i felt the soft sand between my toes. i like how it felt, the feeling that i have long yearned for. i carved a smile. i love to see my footsteps along the seashore. i think they’re cute. they are what i called a natural art. but i felt sad the moment the waves washed it away. *sob sob*

i love to look at the view of the sea and of course the island itself. i enjoy sunrise and sunset views very much but sadly to say, i watched none at Pangkor due to overslept and tiredness. =.=’

the boat trip was fun. i love the harshness of the breeze. if i have to express how it felt, i would say that it was seductive. the sea water is clear enough to see those beautiful creatures and corals. i bent my body to see them, but what i saw was my shadow instead. i laughed. Oh, i need to focus! after a few attempts, then i managed to see them and captured a photo of them. as much as i love beaches, i don’t snorkel. i am scared and i don’t know why. but i do swim. (what’s the difference?)

looking for the end of the sea and failed to find one makes me realized that i still have a long way to go. i still have a lot more to experience. but all are beyond the eyes can see. nobody knows what the future holds. even to those who wear eyeliners. (huh¿)

i had seafood for lunch and dinner. i don’t know what the name of the recipe was nor i ever care how it was cooked but i fancied the crab very much. i ate and ate and ate until i realized everyone else had finished eating. well, it reminds me the time i lived in Sabah before whereby seafood is a must as my main course.

Oh yes. i got small cuts. one is under my left toe and another one is on my left elbow. my body is aching and i am tired because of the long journey and packed activities.

Though, remember all the moments there, the tiredness and pain left me…



vacation worshiper,
nfhms.


March 13, 2010

fantasy, eh¿

before i went to sleep last night,
i planned to see the sun-rise view this morning but i was overslept.
mommy & daddy went for a morning walk. i promised them to be ready before they came back.

so, i started imagining myself,
wrapped my body with towel and went into the shower.
jumped into the short-pant and a white t-shirt, and bring pario along.

suddenly,
"‘hey! wake up! wake up!’
people are waiting for breakfast at the cafe, you know…"


*mommy keeps nagging*


and i simply ignored it. lalalala~
*went into the shower*

oh, now i realized.
all that was what i think i would do, but i am not doing it actually. =.=’
haha. funny!



si suke berimaginasi,
nfhms.

March 12, 2010

escapade

1931hrs.

dear lostpinkdiary,

i am safely arrived at Pangkor Island.
unlike sah halam, it’s cold here for it has been raining since 5pm.

i think i like being here.
will update you always. i promise.
gotta go. need to fill my tummy.


~signing off~


holidays lover,
nfhms.

The Law of F.A.R.A : V.Hanne

hey.
it has been long since the last entry..

hmm...
what to write?
what to write?
what to write?

okay.got the title.

start writing.
start writing.
start writing.

first of all,


  1. Don’t invite me for 3some. I don’t do 3some. (why this is the 1st thing I listed?) =.=’

  2. Do take your time. I like long foreplay. (why this is the 2nd thing I listed?) =.=’

  3. Don’t be too hardcore. I only get wild once in a blue moon. (why this is the 3rd thing I listed?) =.=’

  4. Do switch off the light. I love to take it nice and slow. (again? I’m not horny, ain’t i?) O.O



  5. Okay. this I need not tell…
    I shouldn’t tell…
    I MUST NOT tell…
    It’s for you to discover. LOL


  6. Don’t be shy. Because I am one. If both of us are shy, then who’s gonna start the move?

  7. Don’t be afraid. Because I won’t bite. I promise you.

  8. Don’t forget to ask for my phone number. Because I am not going to ask for yours.

  9. Don’t take too long because I don’t like waiting.


  10. What am I trying to convey here?
    Ways how to tackle NFHMS? =.=’

    Pardon the title. I just feel like writing.
    I want to write whatever comes to my mind now. And this is it. This is what I have in mind.
    So, don’t laugh.


  11. Be straight forward. Before I get you wrong.

  12. Feel free to hug and kiss me. I love to be hugged. I love to be kissed.

  13. Do sweet-talking me. I don’t mind. I love seeing pigs fly. LOL

  14. Seize the opportunity. So, please ask for more. ;p



well…well…well…
hmm…it seems this entry is for the eyes of the men.

No! No! No!
This is not a self-promoting entry.

It is just an entry.
An entry that is not worth reading…



p/s:
Ignore this post.
Because if you don't, I might end up blushing in front of you…ngee~



yang pemalu,
nfhms.

March 5, 2010

damn you!

oh no! oh yes.. *sigh*

my mobile phone is not functioning.
since a few minutes ago.
great! bless me! bless me..

not now baby..pweesh...
i'm not planning to get a new one.
because i am running out of money. $.$
don't you understand me?!

why now..
why...

can't you see how broken i am
without you... T.T

new mobile phone is needed.
please throw me one..



not a technology maniac,
nfhms.

of fara.sara.laila.

*giggling*

define identity.
it covers names, appearance, and... _____. *complete yourself*

okay.
most people call me fara.
obviously,that's my name. my actual name.
name as written in my birth certificate, identity card, and license.

as fara,
i have my own style of being myself.
my own dress codes.
my own way of talking; talking to ladies and gentlemen.
my own way of walking.
bla..bla..bla..

people change.things revolve.

i remembered of a time.
a time when i got a new name; sara.
this happened last year.
my friends and i went clubbing on one night.a wild night,i should say.
spotted at one corner, sat 3 Londoners.
well,
the conversation began:

him: hey.you alone?
me: no.there (pointing my finger to my companions) my friends.
him: where are you from?
me: here.sabah. (avoiding long explanation) you?
him: london.

*awkward silence and out-of-tempo dance*

me: what's your name?
him: grace.
me: *thinking* isn't that name suits better for a girl?
him: you?
me: fara.
him: what?
me: fara.
him: pardon?
me: fara.
him:sara?
me: *nodding* yeah...sara. =.='
..not planning to teach him phonetics in a club..

enough about sara.
let's move on to Laila.

this is funny.
i got this name just recently.last week,to be exact.

Laila is a main character in the movie 'Niyang Rapik' who is actually dead.Feeling annoying for she keeps repeating the same line
"kenapa abang tinggalkan Laila?" in that movie, i did the same to my friends; male friends. it's kinda scary to that. it is as if i was talking sincerely from my heart.. LOL

and the next morning i went to a module.
hating it, i was playful enough on that day.i introduced my name as Laila during the ice breaking session.
and now, the new people i know during the module called me Laila. =.='

i am here.
as fara.sara.laila.

whatever you may call,
i am me.
with the same style of being myself.
the manje one.the perasan one.
the fragile one.the little crazy one.


the attractive one? ;p *hmm*,
nfhms.

natural sauna

sauna.sauna.sauna.sauna.
sauna.sauna.sauna.
sauna.sauna.

mmm..repeating it for several times,
i feel like laughing.

i love sauna.seriously.
because...

sauna benefits us in many ways.
especially for our health.
says asthma, bronchitis, joints pain, and yadda.yadda.yadda.
it helps reducing all the bad bacterias/viruses/elements
and providing us some relief.

i have one at my house.
everytime i use it for 15minutes, i lose 1kg.
yeah...that's the actual reason why i love it. ^_^

well,
sah halam (cuter when i pronounced it this way kan? kan?) is a natural sauna.

but i dislike it.
indeed, i hate it.

i don't like going to the class with wet armpits. *jatuh saham! ;p*
sweats stream all over the body.
from the forehead to the neck down to the cleavage.
from the hips to the between two legs down to the knees.
it makes me really uncomfortable and i feel like taking off my clothes...

all of my friends have been complaining about this hotness they face day and nights.
despite agreeing to the hotness during daytime,i disagreed about the nights for i always feel chill during my sleep.

but last night,
the hotness had proved me wrong.i was sweating like hell.sweating like while you're having sex,you know.i can't take it anymore
and ended up sleeping on the floor...=.='


p/s:

this weather is killing me.
anyway,
in Finland, sauna is a place for a woman to give birth. O.O




si tak suke sah halam,
nfhms.

March 2, 2010

module review : FEB 27th

Laila: Kenapa abang tinggalkan Laila?

Niyang Rapik was not that bad.
Overall, it was ok. I thought it was as scary as any other horror movie that involves ghost and whatsoever. I rather said it was a sad story. In a way, it reminds me of a chapter in my life.

Okay. I had to attend a module the next morning. But there I was, still lepaking at BunD at 3 a.m. Lazing and wasting time can be too good to be ended fast. =.=’

Despite lack of sleep, panda eyes, back aching, tiredness,
I pushed myself not to skip the module.
And so these are some pictures of me during the module.




time: 9.00 a.m
mode: oh fucking sleepy





time: 9.++ a.m
mode: camwhoring




time: during the speech (10.00 a.m, i guess)
mode: placing to sleep...look where i am.




time: afternoon
mode: sakit hati sebab panas sangat!




time: almost 2.00 p.m
mode: nak chrysanthemum tea lagi.
hero: hazwan.thanks for giving me one.love you sayang!



time: 4.00 p.m
mode: @$#%$&^ bila nak habes ni?! >.<


si tak suke pegi module,
nfhms.

March 1, 2010

lupa diri

my back is aching.
all my joints are in pain.
can someone lessen my ouchies?

i sleep less.
i eat a lot.
i lack of rest.i need a good one.

itula,
enjoy saje.
pantang holidays, mulalah mengorak langkah.
ke sana ke mari.
dari utara ke selatan.
timur ke barat.
tipu sangat.

asal hari isnin je,
mula sakit sini sana.

sampai assignments pon kau lupa?


yours truly,
lailadollar.

LOL


melatah

at first, i agreed to his request.
sebab aku blur dia called tiba-tiba.

*excited pon ade jugak* LOL
aku ingatkan pasal apalah kan.
suka betul kau men-spoil-kan mood aku. kan?
nak jugak suruh dia buat apa kau nak.

berbalik kepada jalan yang benar:
tapi lepas tu,
aku berfikir.
kenapa perlu aku buat apa yang dia suruh?
kenapa aku kena buat ini untuk korang?
kenapa kau pasti sangat itu dia? *kesian...she doesn't trust you.*

tak cukup ke semua yang aku dah korbankan?
you already took everything away from me. tak cukup?
aku pon dah jadi gila. tak cukup?
aku tak kacau kau. tak cukup?

anonymous can be anyone.
aku pun tak pasti siapa dia.
it can be a ‘he’ or a ‘she’
it can be myself or my admirer
it can be him or him or another him
it can be someone that i don’t know
it can be yiya.housemate aku tu gila sikit! tak, dia gila banyak.

coincidence happens.
don’t feel too insecure.not at the wrong place.wrong time.wrong person. enough doubt.
it doesn't bring any good.

kau kenapa?

ini blog aku.
sila jangan baca kalau rasa sakit hati.

tengok macam aku.
aku tak baca blog kau.
sebab aku tahu, kalau aku baca aku akan sakit hati.

aku bijak.
tapi kau, tidak.


p/s:

i don’t think i will delete that comment.
that's my right. kau sakit hati, sakit hati sorang-sorang.

kau terasa?
sepuluh jari aku susun.
ampun maaf aku pohon.



thank you.

February 26, 2010

tingtong 9 pagi

morning people..
rise and shine.

i know.
it's early to wake up at 8.30am on a holiday.
but seeming that my biological clock has been perfectly disturbed since few weeks ago due to lots and loads night outings, my sleep is no longer 8hours exactly per day and my bedtime is no more at 10pm everynight.

having this changes makes me so passive during daytime.seriously... =.='

okay.this is not my point for writing this entry.
but i don't know what write.but i want to write.
but not about my biological clock...hmmm...

i am currently listening to Menyesal by Ressa Herlambang.
a simple song with touching melodies.
a sad song with a short lyric.
an unfamiliar song with a beautiful voice.

click 'play' and listen.




thinking still.
for a topic to write.
have some in minds,
but still looking for something else.

yesterday,
i slept late and i woke up early.
today,
i slept earlier and i still wake up early.
the day before yesterday,
i slept late and i woke up late.
two days before yesterday,
i slept earlier and i woke up late too.
last week,
i slept late and i can't sleep.

February 25, 2010

what's next..

no wonder i have been emotionally disturbed lately.
i crave for foods most of the time.
red pimple appeared on my forehead. *nice spot*
today, i started menstruating.
for this month,of course.

and today,
i compassed uitm main camp (kenanga area) for several times, looking for a goddamn parking space to park my car.but none that i found.

so, i went round and round, and round.
clock keeps ticking.i am 10minutes late by that time.

then i saw,
only staff parking are available.in the need to hurry,i parked there.
few steps heading to the class, i turned my head to the back.
i saw someone is locking the yellow goddamn thing on my wheel...oh no!

...oh yes...

here are some pictures, for you to see. maybe laugh at it. *sigh*





car scratches. check
parking summon. check
speed trap summon. check
no-uni-sticker. check
wheel clampped. check

so,what's next?

pimple oh pimple


pimple oh pimple
please go away

pimple pimple
in my face
beaming red to my disgrace

pimple pimple
people see it
people appall

pimple pimple
please go away...


ihatepimple(s),
nfhms.

February 24, 2010

that's him.

It’s 3:28 in the morning.

I fall in love with Gong Chan a.k.a Lee Dong Wook once again for I just watched a Korean series – ‘My Girl’ for the lost-count-th time. Okay, my point is I like him. In and out, head to toe; that type, yes. *head turns*

A type like Choi Siwon [Super Junior] owned. Just like Denis Oh [Sweet Spy]. The same goes for Josh Duhamel [Las Vegas]. Oh, not forgetting, Jonathan Rye Meyers [August Rush] too. A little of Robert Pattison’s [Twilight], maybe. Hey, Ryan Reynolds is not that bad!- i prefer calling him Andrew Paxton. ngee~

Fuck who they are in real life, the attitude, the quality, the personality, they displayed on the screen is what made me so into them. I think about each of them in a different particular time. I daydream being with each of them at a different place, in a different room and on a different bed. I fall for them every single time I see them. Says, what I saw is not them – the real ones.

Anyway, who cares? THEM; is what I like and that’s all that mattered.

;p



si perasan,
nfhms.



lee dong wook





choi siwon






dennis oh





duncan james.josh duhamel.jerry yen




.josh.jerry.dongwok.dennis.siwon.duncan.

February 23, 2010

i'm on drugs today...

미 안합니다 (i'm sorry)

hmm...
i just can't hold it.
it's too much.

i'm sorry. ):

but you sounded so cold.
you sounded unhappy.

is that true?
if it's true,
is that a sign?

Celoteh Pagi

morning sunshine.
wakie! wakie! everyone..

pagi ini sejuk.saya suke. (:

tetapi..
my nose is blocked.
my back is aching. *sigh*

i feel like expressing.but i don't know how.
for i don't exactly know what the hell i am feeling now.. *sigh*

i should be revising.
but oh i am so fucking lazy. *sigh*

maybe i should start inserting pictures to this blog.
no.i don't feel like doing it now..*sigh*


4 *sigh*?

what the hell is wrong with you, fara?
come on. wake up! wake up!


si-tak-nak-buat-ape-ape,
nfhms.


Kerenah Malam

saya tak sihat.
dia tak ada.
saya tak suke..


sekian,terima kasih.

February 22, 2010

I have a lame page

I know. I know.
Just looking at the fonts and the colors explains everything.I suck in matching up colors for a blog.

Imagine this site without the picture of a lady above and the i-don't-get-dizzy-wandering-around-in-this-box-non-stop fishes. Anyway, having them on this page doesn't wow you pun kan?

Okay. Gonna add related pictures for entry that i feel like associating it with one.

cuba teka

i miss you...


p/s:

if you think that it is you, it is you then.
if you think that it is him, it is him then.
if you think that it is her, it is her then.

perasan betul! haha



yours always,
nfhms.

February 20, 2010

1st summon

date: January, 13th

venue: elite highway

speed: 122kmph



got the first summon.great? NO.

mommy nagged.great? NO.


yesterday,
more than 5 speed-trap booths along the north-south highway.

and my minimum speed was 140kmph.

oh F***!



???

February 19, 2010

home sweet home

I’m home.

I was welcomed by excited screams and oh-i-miss-you smiles. All my nieces and a nephew ran on their little foot and gave me delightful hugs before I could enter the house. I smiled.

Kisses landed on my cheek as I shakehand with my father and mother. Something was running inside that is indescribable. Maybe it is the miss. If it does, never have I realized that I miss them that much. Maybe it is the feeling of sadness, sympathy, or maybe hurt? discontented? All I know the emotions are mixed. It is beyond word. So, I faked a smile to them.

That’s my sister; walking towards me, offered me her hand, and threw me a hug. A hug that told me don’t be sad, be strong. I felt like crying as she is the one who knows and understands what I am going through now. I drew a force smile.

Acting is hard. But soon, they’ll find out. Let’s time decide.

I saw the shine of red, black, yellow, and green colors on the dining table. Oh! It’s the foods!

I’ve got to go. Till then.


lost-little-girl,
nfhms.


Thank You : Episode 3 [Yiya]

"Yiya ialah seorang yang gila"

Hmm..i love this line. ;p

Yes, I am going to write about her in this entry. Yiya – she is my 1-month-plus-old housemate. 1 month is a very short period of time, though I get along well with her. Too many things had happened and it seemed like I’ve known her since long before. She is like my everyday kind of thing, like coffee or maybe tea. Someone I can count on to perk me up. She is fun and she is crazy! She can cook, she is the one! For every shake of my head, there is still something served on the table. Let alone for every nod. Being a year younger than me doesn’t deny the fact that she acts more like a sister/mother to me. She makes me feel like I’m home in this little house.

I felt sorry for her, for things turned out hell few days after she moved into my house. It all started with smiles and laughter, but sad to mention that it ended up with fake smiles and tears. Less talking and the three of us were not doing things together anymore. No more breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper together. I rarely saw her in the house for I was too busy appreciating those last moments.

One day, I walked into her room, crying. So she offered me a hug. For after a long silence, we both knew what was happening but unable to bring ourselves to talk about it. I slept with her from that night on. We discovered our similarities and appreciating it. We spend more and more time together. We talk, we sing, we laugh. We seek fun and joy in our friendship. She brings back the happiness I longed for. I know it can’t replace the one that I’ve lost. But at least, she put the big orange sun in the house and made it shines once again.

Thanks YIYA, for making everything appears possible to me.


p/s:

pardon the title.
in this entry, i would like to thank
Mior, Faris & Van, Akmal, Wan, Sis Farah Z, Sis Mimi Chan, Sis Lalis, Sis Nui, Don, Sopie, Palie, Girl, Ery, Hadry, Kylla, Mc Naim, Fe & Aunty Ez, & etc.

for the wise words, unconditional support, and for the love. (:


girlfriend,
nfhms.





Thank You : Episode 2 [C5 Crew]

Phye & Funzy
are buddies that I love, so much. In every ups and downs, both of you never let go off my hand. Always there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes both of you can be quite a jerk; you bullied me, scolded me, and ignored me when you disagree with me. But I know, you do it for good. At times both of you can be so lovable that I feel like hugging both of you all the time. When I cry, both of you offer me hugs, sweep away my tears, calm me down and make me laugh. You scolded me when I skipped my meals. You hit my head when I did stupid things. You called me stupid when I neglect my health and studies. You are always there for me, 24/7. Calling me ‘bebeh’ to lighten up my day. Accompany me when I feel lonely. Best companions ever for you don’t have any objection in everything I do when we hang out, when we get wild, and when we get crazy. What I thankful the most that both of you accept me the way I am. Both of you are indeed my best-friends, forever.

MimiE, Nonie, Ejay, Ann, Joy, Carol & Zuan
For every one-to-one basis meeting, you never forget to ask how am I doing. A simple question but it means a lot to me. I know there are things that left unanswered but I am planning not to breath everything. What done is done. But the most important thing is I want to thank all of you for every single minute you spent for / with me. For each support, for every laughter, for every word, for every effort to make me carve that little smile, and for everything. For without it, I may not be as strong as I am now, I may not be able to draw a smile, and I may think that I am alone. A simple encounter, a simple text, a simple chat, a simple hug, a simple touch; are enough to show me that you care. Enough to tell me that you love me. Enough to comfort me. Enough to push aside the sadness. I wish there are 48hours per day and 14days in a week, so that I could spend more time with all of you.

Not forgetting, to the rest of cohort 5 crew;

Wewi, Zaty, Mimi, Ash, Daya, Nisa, Syeila, Yana, Iwing, Raf, Mark, Azmi, Kadrey, Zaidy, Ikram.

Thank you for the poem, for the moral support, for the words of wisdom, for the meaningful smile and eye-contact, and for everything. [too many to be written here].


love u all,
nfhms.