November 21, 2010

a fruitful road trip to north malaysia

The road trip to the north was very tiring. Despite that, I gained more and more precious school of thoughts. The way to look at things changed for a better judgment, making me a better human than I was before.

I’ve always thought my past is the worst. But I forgot, there are a lot more worsen than mine. Infidelity happens due to many reasons, no doubt. Lack of attention, lack of qualified dream characteristics, taking advantages, name it. But why do you seat on the pillion if you don’t like the rider? It is not necessary or I’d rather say it is unfair to put the responsibilities on the rider who brought you to the first stop and want him to bring you until the last station. It meant to be that way but not anymore in these days. It would be easier if you drop off at the first stop and go by yourself. Confrontation is the best when you feel like diverting although it hurts. Don’t do things behind someone’s back, you know it won’t get you far.


Money is always the reason of women’s betrayal and diversion. Women are getting higher and higher in their personal maintenance on monthly basis. Most women would easily fall for someone whose pocket is thick, whose ride is faster, and yadda.yadda.yadda. Everyone loves money, who doesn’t? Hey, money doesn’t last long. Don’t forget, the same goes to your relationship. You may lose it over money. How pathetic.

On a chemical substance, you’ll find everything is wonderful, everything is beautiful. But you forgot, it is over the moment it lasts. When everything is wonderful, it clouded your rational judgment. You are no more in control. You start doing irrational things which you yourself think is rationale. It creates a haywire in your brain and you broke things that you once really care of. It screwed you.


Yes, I personally think that there are times I found myself lack of attention from the person I love. Sometimes, time shows me that he doesn’t have a few of my dream guy characteristics. Though this doesn’t change my feelings for I know we are angels with flaws – nobody is perfect.

And to be added to the point, I myself love money. For I know I can do everything I like with it, I can buy anything that I want with it. Today, I am with someone that is not a wealthy man who can buy me an A4 today, who can buy a plane ticket to wherever I want to go, who can buy every single thing I wish I had. Hello, you don't bury money with you at the end of the day okay.

I get high sometimes. So does he. It is fun. A silly fun. But I wouldn’t go over the boundaries for I like myself to be in control. Off balance at times is normal. He knows how to resist. He knows how to handle. He knows how to take care of me. What else could I ask for?

Then be appreciate, I bet everything will be just fine.


si nak menjadi better person (konon),

November 9, 2010

of 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years.

"as we grow older, things seem to be less important" - RED, 2010.

maybe i should agree to this.people around me are mostly above than my age.1 year older, 2 years older, 10 years older, even up to double my age.

knowing them, i comprehend better the line i quoted above.we crave and pursue things that we most wanted during our early age and unconciously, we tend to lose some passion to earn what we want as our age is showing a bigger number.

though, befriending and mingling with all these people who are older than me made me forgot that i am still young.i forgot that this adrenaline in my veins are always rushing like there is no tomorrow.everything is still tempting to me.okay, maybe by now, there are certain things that i'm not dying for it..

i'm not the only one who forgot or too oblivous to realize but these people also forgot who i am.they assume i am like them, that things are not really important in my life anymore.they forgot who they were when they were at my age.want to chase this, want to get that, want to do this, want to grab that.when they felt it once, maybe that's the reason they're all leaving it behind.this explains fighting, break-ups, divorce, poverty, loneliness and etc.

despite the fact that i have experienced more than anyone at my age, still, i am only a 22-year-old girl who wants to experience more, who is still passionate to chase dreams, who is still appreciating life to its fullest, who is still thought everything is important in life.i still want go out late night and get high, i still want to talk crap with my friends, i still want to spend time with young adult kind of things, i still chase wealth, i still seek silly fun and happiness, i still want to be around someone 24/7..

everything still looks very inviting to me.i've to admit that i have older things and dreams which not many young adults at my age would have.this summarizes about me that both my young needs and elderly dreams are important...always have, always'll never lose your passion when you set in mind that it is important, maybe not for now, but how about the future?

back to the quote above, i understand what it means.but i think

"since we live once, things never seem to be less important"

yours truly,

November 8, 2010

relieved? hell no!

my empty house has turned into a nicer shelter.
thanks to the neighbour in front.heh.

i just finish shooting my profile.
omg, it was really a nerve-wrecking.
i can feel like i was sooo fake.
i dont know why.i dont feel comfortable to be in front of the camera.

but done.
i dont know how it will be.
but if u watched me,
please don't laugh!!

November 7, 2010

invisible gap

i feel like we're drifting apart.

i feel you walk away.
each passing day, the distance seems to be greater.

i realized this long before today.
only now i have the guts to say.

i heard no more stories.
but i should be grateful i still hear few laughters.

i concealed my disappoinment with smiles.
and try to engage with you every time i got the chance.
but my attempts failed.

i dont know what you keep inside.
but with open heart i'm waiting and ready for you to let me know.

i miss you.
i really value you.

dear bestfriend,
forget me not.
for i always love you, till the end.

yours truly,

November 5, 2010

zoo negara, kemensah, nong & jimmy.

from left, clockwise: boyfriend, boyfriend's friends, boyfriend's friend's girlfriend, girlfriend.

sayang's shoes torn up, again. one after another. so he has to wear his sport shoes.
he looks funny.hee~

i fed the gigantic elephant a sugarcane.
i can see its big and round nosestrils at the end of its trunk.
it's pink.and i screamed as it grabbed the sugarcane.

tiger slept.lions slept.others slept too. =.='
i was so depressed.

i enjoyed the show by BART? BARD? BUTT? (whatever) the sealion.
he's smart and cute.i started to think to have one.if only i was allowed.
i waited for the dolphin but there was none. ):
but i saw the penguins swam.awww, they're so fuckin' cute!

well,the monkeys were really camwhores!
they posed, posed and posed.
i spotted one male monkey.i think he's handsome.he smiled at me, acted as if he knew that i was recording his movements.then, he ran.i think he's shy!

my friends and i continued the journey to kemensah waterfall.
i captured the scenic views.houses at the hill, at the valley, are all beautiful..very very beautiful...sayang said i can have one like that in the future.i smiled.
it is a public holiday, kemensah is full with cars and of course, people.
so, we cancelled our plan to splash ourselves with water.haish..
the car's skirt got scretch somemore.aiyo...

our tummies crocked.
so we went to nong & jimmy restaurant and filled our craving tummies with seafoods.i still remember the taste of the steam siakap.the delicious seafood tomyam.the kangkung belacan...i drooled even before the boyfriends ordered the menu.yummy!

i appreciate all these moments.
it meant to be kept forever.

p/s: can i ask for more trips like this again, sayang?

smiling all the way from morning,

November 2, 2010


this is what i liked, always like, and will forever like about us.

when we start our day separately,
we will wear the same colour for our outfits.

i wear green,
you wear green.

you wear white,
i wear white.

i wear red,
you wear red.

you wear black,
i wear black.

i think
we're cute in our own way. (:

love you always,

take me out

I received a phone call from ntv7. They asked me to go for the audition for a new reality programme called ‘take me out’. It is a so called dating show.

I am not in searching for a partner. I already have one.

But many agreed me to go for it.
to make it as a platform to create a name.
to uplift the reputation.

I am not desperate to get acknowledgement from the world. I already have my own world.

Still, I went for the interview (not sure what is my main intention of going there) with few friends as my companion. Unfortunately, I got they involved with it too. Ntv7 insisted them to fill in the form.

A day later,
I received a phone call from ntv7 again. I’m selected to be the contestant. So do my guy friends.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I don’t have any idea. Please take me out from here…

screaming OMG,