school holiday was a little dull

today is Monday and it feels like heaven when I don't have to rush when I woke up. 

Despite the heaven-ness feeling, I somewhat feel that this holiday was a little dull. Husband's work demands his attention more than I do. Did I just say more than I do? I need more of his attention, actually. But I can tolerate, his work cannot. I wanna go out more often. I know he is exhausted to cope with his workload and his manja wife at the same time. Men, they are just bad in multitasking. To be frank, I am frustrated. Of all the time, why must during this school holiday that he has to work to death? 

You see, I treasure the time to meet and spend time with him because we are the weekend husband and wife. When things like this happen, I feel terribly down. I want to entertain myself by going out at malls, but my car is not here. Can you feel me? I feel hollow and empty. This is not what I expect it to be. 

I just want to be with him. He is my husband and I just want to have him all by myself. That's all. 

pen-sunyi,

FS. 

good to have you around

this morning husband made me a cup of hot milo. and he cooked for lunch as well. the dishes are simple yet they are all very inviting. simply delicious. 

i feel blessed to have him around. 

thank you Allah. 

pencinta sayang,

FS 

better half

I think
my tummy has grown obvious.
people have started to notice my baby bump.
I feel excited about this.
I feel proud being an expectant mother.
This is the most amazing experience I have ever felt so far.

I am still counting days for holidays.
I want to be with my husband,
to have every meal with him.
to sleep on the same bed.
to watch the TV together.
to go out and watch movies.
to hang out with our buddies.
above all else,
to share what I am experiencing now with him.

My work is not a walk in a park. No profession is.
I only enjoyed taking the course for 6 years.
But the reality hits me really hard.
I don't enjoy teaching, I never did.
I am struggling to adjust myself at my workplace.
To find the little comfort in the midst of agony.
So that I can have that little peace as a drive to teach.

But it seems like every element in this place denies my efforts.
Everything I do goes wrong or things never really go my way.
No one tries to understand nor did I seek sympathy from the people.
A little of humanity act should do.
My world cripples each passing day.
I am sinking in and I am on the edge of breaking down.

They said I am strong.
Deep inside, I am hurt badly.
I cry when I go to sleep.
Hoping that my husband would accompany me.
But most mornings, I wake up and find myself all alone.
I begin to lose hope.
The faith that I hold on to begin to perish.

I know I didn't perform in classes.
I wanted to but I just don't have the drive.

There is nothing much I could do.
Hopeless. Helpless.

For all I need is him.

All I need is my Shamel Ali. 
For he is
my BETTER-HALF.


better-half,
FS

nyawa

the only thing that keeps me going is
you, and the baby.

honestly...

craving masa preggy?

"apa lagi b rasa teringin nak makan?" 

"mmm...popia basah. tapi abah cakap dia balik perak aritu tade popia basah, ade lempeng pisang je."

"yelah. sekarang kan musim panas. semua popia jadi kering, takde popia basah." HAHAHA

nakalnye suami aku. menyakat bini tengah craving. but so far, everything that i want, he never failed to satisfy me. thank you sayang! 

ahh..rindu pulak. 

when will i see you again? 

FS