you're not my grandpa, you're not my granny but i always remember you.

one night,
my friends and i went out to watch one of world cup 2010 matches.

we stopped at one petrol station at the federal highway while waiting for the other friends.

as my friend parked our car,
i saw a taxi beside us.

my eyes caught on the driver.an old taxi driver.
he was sleeping.sleeping as in nodding position.
with melting ice-cream in his grasp.

it touched my heart.

why doesn't life give him lots of passenger?
why doesn't life help him a little?

he woke up not long after we parked there.
he looked helplessly at the ice-cream.
he didn't continue eating it...

perhaps,he doesn't have the appetite anymore as the ice-cream is melted.

and

today,
i went to a restaurant for lunch.

while queuing to choose the foods;
beside me,
stood another old man.

he is thin.
he is shrinking.

i heard he called a waitress.
i heard what he said:
"can you help me to pour the food in this plastic bag? i'm scared if i do it myself, it will mess up this place."

again,
it struck my heart.

i couldn't bring myself to look at him.
as my eyes go wattery.

i sat down with my meals on the table.
but i couldn't eat them.my mind still on this one old man.

and then,
i saw him.walked out from the restaurant.
and he reached his bicycle in a snail slow motion,
before he dissapeared from my gaze.

i have come across this situation many times.
and every single time i encounter an old man or an old lady,
i have the same feeling
and
i feel like crying
looking at their face.
for i know, behind them lies a thousand indescribable feelings.


not your granddaughter,
nfhms.

urgh...

kenape mesti nak STRESS?

yang mengalami stress,
nfhms.

an attempt to kill the loneliness

sunyi...
meskipun kau ada di sisi.

loner,
nfhms.

i need drugs, seriously.

i began to hate myself.
seriously.

i should have known or able or strong enough to prioritize what needs to be priotized FIRST.
okay, i know this year started as a hell.
but i thought i can cope up with the shit by not mixing it up with my studies - that used to be the first priority in the priority list.

oh god.you gotta be kidding me.
am i affected this much?
how can it be this much?
and in return,
i just get this much?

wake up girl.wake up!

you need to prolong your attention span on the whiteboard and generate whats being teach.
what done is done.past remains as past.leave it behind.

the genesis begins.

a new semester.
a new center of attention.
same old girl.same old girl.

wants to stand up again.
wants to fight for what she's almost losing.


a fighter,
nfhms.

jewit kuhat-kuhat: aaaaaa!!!!

i’m a mess.
this is what i don’t like hate about DISTANCE.

DISTANCE:

enough words.
they just don’t work on me.

i want physical touch.
i want practical action.
i want tangible authentication.
something that i can see.touch.and feel.

i don’t like what i feel now.
i hate this feeling.

don’t tell me to sleep because i don’t need sleep.
don’t tell me to eat because i don’t want to eat.
don’t tell me to empty my mind because i can’t stop thinking.
don’t tell me to rest because i don’t need a rest.

all i need is you.
all i want is you.

you;
you are the poison.
you are the only remedy.

damn.


yours truly,
nfhms.