moaning in delight

hey leyla.
looking at your moaning-in-delight paint job,i dont mind being a lesbo.
i'm fucking seriously into you now.


lotsa love, hugs, and kisses,
nfhms.

missing the good old days

I talked for almost an hour with a good friend of mine, someone who I’d like to assume as my brother. We reminisced our good old days and we shared our current stories.

Those days with the burger stall, picnics on the beach, parties when parents weren’t at home… ;p

It was fun. I was only sixteen when I knew them. But everything is still fresh in my mind. How good I was as a matchmaker, how close we were, who cooked the best burger ever, how funny when we sold and delivered burgers to my school, how the love triangle – love pentagon – love love love began, evolved, and ended, how we comforted each other and how everything has changed.

It’s sad to admit that I feel like all of us are drifting apart from one another. As we grow older, each of us is busy making new friends and each of us is bound to other important commitments that we sometimes forgot to take care, cherish and appreciate what we ever have before.

I wish I was sixteen again.


yours truly,
nfhms.

a fruitful road trip to north malaysia

The road trip to the north was very tiring. Despite that, I gained more and more precious school of thoughts. The way to look at things changed for a better judgment, making me a better human than I was before.

Infidelity.
I’ve always thought my past is the worst. But I forgot, there are a lot more worsen than mine. Infidelity happens due to many reasons, no doubt. Lack of attention, lack of qualified dream characteristics, taking advantages, name it. But why do you seat on the pillion if you don’t like the rider? It is not necessary or I’d rather say it is unfair to put the responsibilities on the rider who brought you to the first stop and want him to bring you until the last station. It meant to be that way but not anymore in these days. It would be easier if you drop off at the first stop and go by yourself. Confrontation is the best when you feel like diverting although it hurts. Don’t do things behind someone’s back, you know it won’t get you far.

Money
Money is always the reason of women’s betrayal and diversion. Women are getting higher and higher in their personal maintenance on monthly basis. Most women would easily fall for someone whose pocket is thick, whose ride is faster, and yadda.yadda.yadda. Everyone loves money, who doesn’t? Hey, money doesn’t last long. Don’t forget, the same goes to your relationship. You may lose it over money. How pathetic.

Drugs
On a chemical substance, you’ll find everything is wonderful, everything is beautiful. But you forgot, it is over the moment it lasts. When everything is wonderful, it clouded your rational judgment. You are no more in control. You start doing irrational things which you yourself think is rationale. It creates a haywire in your brain and you broke things that you once really care of. It screwed you.

..

Yes, I personally think that there are times I found myself lack of attention from the person I love. Sometimes, time shows me that he doesn’t have a few of my dream guy characteristics. Though this doesn’t change my feelings for I know we are angels with flaws – nobody is perfect.

And to be added to the point, I myself love money. For I know I can do everything I like with it, I can buy anything that I want with it. Today, I am with someone that is not a wealthy man who can buy me an A4 today, who can buy a plane ticket to wherever I want to go, who can buy every single thing I wish I had. Hello, you don't bury money with you at the end of the day okay.

I get high sometimes. So does he. It is fun. A silly fun. But I wouldn’t go over the boundaries for I like myself to be in control. Off balance at times is normal. He knows how to resist. He knows how to handle. He knows how to take care of me. What else could I ask for?

Then be grateful.do appreciate, I bet everything will be just fine.


future.


si nak menjadi better person (konon),
nfhms.

of 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years.

"as we grow older, things seem to be less important" - RED, 2010.

maybe i should agree to this.people around me are mostly above than my age.1 year older, 2 years older, 10 years older, even up to double my age.

knowing them, i comprehend better the line i quoted above.we crave and pursue things that we most wanted during our early age and unconciously, we tend to lose some passion to earn what we want as our age is showing a bigger number.

though, befriending and mingling with all these people who are older than me made me forgot that i am still young.i forgot that this adrenaline in my veins are always rushing like there is no tomorrow.everything is still tempting to me.okay, maybe by now, there are certain things that i'm not dying for it..

i'm not the only one who forgot or too oblivous to realize but these people also forgot who i am.they assume i am like them, that things are not really important in my life anymore.they forgot who they were when they were at my age.want to chase this, want to get that, want to do this, want to grab that.when they felt it once, maybe that's the reason they're all leaving it behind.this explains fighting, break-ups, divorce, poverty, loneliness and etc.

despite the fact that i have experienced more than anyone at my age, still, i am only a 22-year-old girl who wants to experience more, who is still passionate to chase dreams, who is still appreciating life to its fullest, who is still thought everything is important in life.i still want go out late night and get high, i still want to talk crap with my friends, i still want to spend time with young adult kind of things, i still chase wealth, i still seek silly fun and happiness, i still want to be around someone 24/7..

everything still looks very inviting to me.i've to admit that i have older things and dreams which not many young adults at my age would have.this summarizes about me that both my young needs and elderly dreams are important...always have, always will.you'll never lose your passion when you set in mind that it is important, maybe not for now, but how about the future?

back to the quote above, i understand what it means.but i think

"since we live once, things never seem to be less important"


yours truly,
nfhms.

relieved? hell no!

my empty house has turned into a nicer shelter.
thanks to the neighbour in front.heh.

i just finish shooting my profile.
omg, it was really a nerve-wrecking.
i can feel like i was sooo fake.
i dont know why.i dont feel comfortable to be in front of the camera.

but done.
i dont know how it will be.
but if u watched me,
please don't laugh!!