Who Said Being A Teacher Is As Easy As ABC?

I never thought that being a teacher will be this hard. The hardship that no one can ever imagine until you walk in a teacher’s shoes.

I have always love English subject, since I was a kid. And to be offered to be a part of TESL-ians is like a little girl got a bundle of candies. The walk in the park was not last long. For a moment, I forgot that I was offered a scholarship by the Ministry of Education and I have signed a contract to serve them for 5 years.

Everything turns out into a nightmare when I have to go for interim period at this one particular school. A sudden change of the school (I was told I had to go to a school nearby my house at first...), be it the environment, the location, the culture, really de-motivated myself. I have lost my passion towards teaching, not that I had one before this, but I thought it can be inculcated if I give myself a chance. However, interim period shows me no mercy. It denies my drive.

I was placed at an islamic school which previously governed by the state government and just recently the government took over all of this type of schools in Johore. We call this type of schools as Sekolah Agama Bantuan Kerajaan (SABK). Yes, it is as you thought it is. Lack of facilities, poor condition of the current buildings, secluded, you name it. In terms of the students, I could not say much. It is worse than I thought. How well could low and average proficiency level of students handle 20 subjects in 2 streams? You tell me. Some of them behave pretty well, some are very rude, and most of them are mute in front of me.

This school has no quarters for teachers since all the teachers are locals and their houses are within reach in, the most, 20 minutes. And because of that, I have to temporarily stay at the warden’s house in which is a part of the hostel, located at the very end of the hostel building. It was old, rusty, dusty, and gloomy. I have to share room with the warden and there goes my privacy. The only space that I can call my own, is now perished.

And now, the school holiday is over. It is 2013. I was given 28 periods in a week and I have to be a classroom teacher, for the last class of first former. School session starts as early as 7.30 in the morning and ends at 4 in the evening, except for Friday. I teach 8 classes and all are lower forms. Since PMR will be abolished starting next year, I have to conduct PBS which has 6 stages for each of the 8 classes. I have to write down my lesson plan everyday and submit it to my principal every Friday. At nights, I have to prepare materials to teach my students or I have to mark my students’ homeworks (if any of them submit it to me). I can’t use powerpoint presentation to teach for there is no electricity outlet in the class, so I have to draw or print out and paste the picture on a cardboard. Sometimes, I have to use my own money to photocopy all the handouts, task sheets, and passages since my school doesn’t offer that service. My Saturdays are usually will be stolen for some seminars, talks, meetings, and things as such. Not to mention, I have to conduct (including preparing the questions and marking the papers) monthly test as well as mid-term and final exams.

The saddest part is, I can’t be myself at school. I can’t make friends (I tried but I failed) and so I don’t have friends at school. I am homeless. I don’t eat and live well here. My basic need as a human life is not fulfilled. And so, my life is kinda pathetic at the moment.


SPP, POSTING, BONUS. WHERE ART THOU?

zombie,
FMS.

Back To School 2013

here i am, still in this school.
the place where all my nightmares begin.

i was given 28 periods in a week. 26 periods are English, meanwhile the other 2 periods are for Civic Education. altogether i teach 8 classes and that means i have 6 classes to do the PBS thingy. HOMAIGOD, what the hell have i gotten myself into?

today was the most tiring day i have ever had since i am in the school. i have 5 classes to enter every thursday, double periods each. it was beyond than i can imagine. i went back and forth the office building, went up and down the stairs, talked and yelled, repeatedly. i am tired.
i dont know how long could i hold on.
i am just tired...

THE MEETING

here i am,
lying on my fluffy bed, writing this entry,

accompanied by a ring with saphire stone. i am loving it!


booked,
NFHMS. (:

12.12.12

it seems like today is a lucky day for both of us. maybe it was just a luck, but i couldn't stop being grateful to God.

he passed the interview and i've received my first payment that i had been wanting and waiting for 2 torturing months.

it feels great to share the joy that you get from your hardwork with other people, especially your parents. i value this kind of thing. i feel blessed. i feel proud of myself.

it is indeed an amazing day. i shall not forget the date, for it brings precious moments for the significant people i have around me.


blessed,
nfhms.

Of A Saphire Stone & A ring

Deep in my heart, there is a tiny hole. A hole where the tangled nervousness and un-readiness hide. The date keeps flickering in my mind. So does his face, smiles, and laughter. My hands shiver and my legs shake everytime I think of the date.

The day is coming towards me now, fast. The sparkle and blossom feelings are overwhelming but that tiny hole seems to grow bigger as well.

But I know it will be there for temporary, as I believed, on that particularly special day, that sparkles and twinkles of happiness will pave that tiny hole and surround my heart, warmly.


will be yours officially,
NFMS.