savour these last moments

Life is hard.
I don’t know where to turn to.
I don’t know what I should do.
I don’t know how to cope up.
I don’t know when and how to move on.
I don’t know if I can.

It is hard…
When I have to choose and decide and I have to fight
When the poison is the only remedy from the very start
When the man began as a daddy, a hero, a prince, a savior fall apart
When the one who does everything for me can’t even do things for himself anymore

No more
Hands to wipe my tears away
Fingers to rub my tummy and my back when I don't feel well
The only favorite voice and will never fail to console when I sulk
The only face that can make me smiles when no one does
The only one who knows how to pamper when I curl up like a child
The only tough and smart body who will give me a piggy back ride
The only figure who is part of me as it has always been
The only person who knows everything about me
The only strength for me to grow stronger since we first met
The first and the only guy whom I devoted myself to
The only reason for me to be here in this world, in this moment.

It is harder…
To doze off in those arms
To end the nights with sweet lullaby
To wake up with those big and beautiful eyes
To start every morning with hugs and kisses
and knowing that only 6 nights and 7 mornings left.

Harder, still.
to have the right and chance for a little fairness
for a little hope.
for a little future.
but not to fight for it.

Hardest of all.
to have everything all that i need
but him.
to fall again and again
stumble and stumble
to bleed and to suffer
to bear the pain
and
not having the strength anymore.
not having the reason to live.


yours that you left,
nfhms.