When I was left untold, you go for my right.
When I was too innocent, you taught me not to be one.
When I lost hope, you told me not to die just yet.
You and me were never get closed before even though I aware of your existence. We even barely talked to each other. It is awkward to think how close we are now. A person I developed trust upon after a single text. Never have I known you will throw me words of wisdom as if we have been friends for ages. Whispering words that keep me looking forward for tomorrow.
You made me see things from every possible angle. You proved to me that a non-judging person is real. You taught me to be wise. Oh, how I adore the way you think. You always try to make time for me despite packed classes and tons of work. You stayed up till morning, listening to my mourning with that long-sleeved still on. You accompanied me when I don’t know how to cope with the loss. You lend me your ears, you lend me your hand, and you lend me your shoulder. When I don’t know what should I do and where do I go, you are always there, shooing away my sorrow. THANK YOU.
When I was depressed, you offered me a ride.
When I was lonely, you took me for an outing.
You and me are classmates. We never get the chance to spend time together for both of us were busy with our own personal businesses. As time passed by, we found something in common so we hung out quite a lot. You did fun things to cheer me up when I was really down. You gave me a very joyful night ride. You showed me what fun is. You took care of me like I am your sister. You are always there for me despite our differences.
Now, it has been almost 1 year and there you are, still taking care of me when life is hard on me. THANK YOU.
When I reached you on the phone, you were always there.
When I cried, you calmed me down.
You never really knew me and I only know tiny piece about you. We smile in each encounter but we barely talk to each other. Perhaps we talk whenever necessary. I always adore you – the way you smile and the way you speak but I don’t understand why we never really be friends. But I know I can trust you. You acted like a big sister. Checking on me whenever you’re free and calming me down whenever you heard me crying. You texted me valuable advice and you told me that everything is going to be fine. You wanted to share the burden I carry. You hugged me when I cry.
How lucky I am for you are still there. Leaving me a place to curl up whenever I need one. THANK YOU.
yours truly,
nfhms.
February 19, 2010
February 11, 2010
Chapter Closed : Part II
It has been 12 days since the last goodbye.
Time goes on but I don’t. I need change but not bring myself to accept one. Agreed with a friend of mine; it is like the process of deleting a habit. but I must try.
I have to face this abrupt loss, after all. Deal with it, cope with it, and live with it.
When people ask or say;
“How are you?”
“Are you okay?”
“Be strong!”
“I’m fine, thank you.” (nodding)
“I’m okay.” (nodding)
“…” (smiling and nodding)
are my answers. Maybe I literally mean it. Maybe I don’t.
I can’t tell how I feel. I can’t tell what I am thinking of. I don’t know what I do. I don’t know where I am heading to.
Yes. I am lost. Lost at thinking perhaps?
I know there are 2 ways of coping up with this.
First, delete all pictures, phone numbers, bittersweet memories, cut the connections, forget everything, be a stranger and move on; in which good for me and this is what many 'broken-hearts' try to do.
or...
keep everything, smiles in each encounter, remember everything, take everything with you and move on; in which way much better but harder to be done.
hurm… *thinking*
I’ll go for the second one. I’ll work on it.
Chapter is closed. I am moving on, and who’s coming with me?
yours truly,
nfhms.
Time goes on but I don’t. I need change but not bring myself to accept one. Agreed with a friend of mine; it is like the process of deleting a habit. but I must try.
I have to face this abrupt loss, after all. Deal with it, cope with it, and live with it.
When people ask or say;
“How are you?”
“Are you okay?”
“Be strong!”
“I’m fine, thank you.” (nodding)
“I’m okay.” (nodding)
“…” (smiling and nodding)
are my answers. Maybe I literally mean it. Maybe I don’t.
I can’t tell how I feel. I can’t tell what I am thinking of. I don’t know what I do. I don’t know where I am heading to.
Yes. I am lost. Lost at thinking perhaps?
I know there are 2 ways of coping up with this.
First, delete all pictures, phone numbers, bittersweet memories, cut the connections, forget everything, be a stranger and move on; in which good for me and this is what many 'broken-hearts' try to do.
or...
keep everything, smiles in each encounter, remember everything, take everything with you and move on; in which way much better but harder to be done.
hurm… *thinking*
I’ll go for the second one. I’ll work on it.
Chapter is closed. I am moving on, and who’s coming with me?
yours truly,
nfhms.
February 9, 2010
Chapter Closed : Part I
What I am going to write is a sad love story. A chapter in my life.
Some understand about the whole episode.
Many know parts of it.
Lots are aware that there is a history.
But only few know everything.
Perhaps the characters in this tale,
…she, him and I.
Some observed. Some ignored.
Many cared. Only little involved.
I never thought to write or give any comments for what had happened. I never planned to.
But today, I feel like writing. I feel like summarizing.
It hurts, for sure. It is painful, of course.
I am naïve. I am innocent. I believed that every story has a happy ending.
At the age of eighteen, I found this love. A love that shaped what I am today.
Like an angel (without the wings), so pure and so clean, I had devoted myself to this love.
I went through the most vital growing up phase; a phase of transition from a guiltless teenager to a matured young adult, with this love around.
I forgot what independent mean. I forgot what distant mean. I forgot what individual mean.
My world revolved around him.
He has become my better half. He has become my habit. He has become my everything.
Always have andforever will.
After almost 4 years, hope has sprung a perfect dive.
A dream of happy ending sunk. A bright future submerged.
He suddenly had to leave. Like a fatherless-sibling-less-4-year-old girl who is going to lose her mother, that is how I feel. I don’t know where do I go or nor I know what I should do.
This is beyond what I expected or rather hoped it to be. It conceded my defeat. It shattered my world. It broke my heart. It pulled out the plug of my life.
He is now no longer I meet on one-to-one basis. I just heard his name from my other friends. Of course it hurts knowing he is reachable but unable to be in contact but that’s fine. This is what fate wants me to learn;
love mustn’t have to own
This is what fate has decided for me.
This chapter is closed.
yours truly,
nfhms.
Some understand about the whole episode.
Many know parts of it.
Lots are aware that there is a history.
But only few know everything.
Perhaps the characters in this tale,
…she, him and I.
Some observed. Some ignored.
Many cared. Only little involved.
I never thought to write or give any comments for what had happened. I never planned to.
But today, I feel like writing. I feel like summarizing.
It hurts, for sure. It is painful, of course.
I am naïve. I am innocent. I believed that every story has a happy ending.
At the age of eighteen, I found this love. A love that shaped what I am today.
Like an angel (without the wings), so pure and so clean, I had devoted myself to this love.
I went through the most vital growing up phase; a phase of transition from a guiltless teenager to a matured young adult, with this love around.
I forgot what independent mean. I forgot what distant mean. I forgot what individual mean.
My world revolved around him.
He has become my better half. He has become my habit. He has become my everything.
Always have and
After almost 4 years, hope has sprung a perfect dive.
A dream of happy ending sunk. A bright future submerged.
He suddenly had to leave. Like a fatherless-sibling-less-4-year-old girl who is going to lose her mother, that is how I feel. I don’t know where do I go or nor I know what I should do.
This is beyond what I expected or rather hoped it to be. It conceded my defeat. It shattered my world. It broke my heart. It pulled out the plug of my life.
He is now no longer I meet on one-to-one basis. I just heard his name from my other friends. Of course it hurts knowing he is reachable but unable to be in contact but that’s fine. This is what fate wants me to learn;
love mustn’t have to own
This is what fate has decided for me.
This chapter is closed.
yours truly,
nfhms.
January 22, 2010
savour these last moments
Life is hard.
I don’t know where to turn to.
I don’t know what I should do.
I don’t know how to cope up.
I don’t know when and how to move on.
I don’t know if I can.
It is hard…
When I have to choose and decide and I have to fight
When the poison is the only remedy from the very start
When the man began as a daddy, a hero, a prince, a savior fall apart
When the one who does everything for me can’t even do things for himself anymore
No more
Hands to wipe my tears away
Fingers to rub my tummy and my back when I don't feel well
The only favorite voice and will never fail to console when I sulk
The only face that can make me smiles when no one does
The only one who knows how to pamper when I curl up like a child
The only tough and smart body who will give me a piggy back ride
The only figure who is part of me as it has always been
The only person who knows everything about me
The only strength for me to grow stronger since we first met
The first and the only guy whom I devoted myself to
The only reason for me to be here in this world, in this moment.
It is harder…
To doze off in those arms
To end the nights with sweet lullaby
To wake up with those big and beautiful eyes
To start every morning with hugs and kisses
and knowing that only 6 nights and 7 mornings left.
Harder, still.
to have the right and chance for a little fairness
for a little hope.
for a little future.
but not to fight for it.
Hardest of all.
to have everything all that i need
but him.
to fall again and again
stumble and stumble
to bleed and to suffer
to bear the pain
and
not having the strength anymore.
not having the reason to live.
yours that you left,
nfhms.
I don’t know where to turn to.
I don’t know what I should do.
I don’t know how to cope up.
I don’t know when and how to move on.
I don’t know if I can.
It is hard…
When I have to choose and decide and I have to fight
When the poison is the only remedy from the very start
When the man began as a daddy, a hero, a prince, a savior fall apart
When the one who does everything for me can’t even do things for himself anymore
No more
Hands to wipe my tears away
Fingers to rub my tummy and my back when I don't feel well
The only favorite voice and will never fail to console when I sulk
The only face that can make me smiles when no one does
The only one who knows how to pamper when I curl up like a child
The only tough and smart body who will give me a piggy back ride
The only figure who is part of me as it has always been
The only person who knows everything about me
The only strength for me to grow stronger since we first met
The first and the only guy whom I devoted myself to
The only reason for me to be here in this world, in this moment.
It is harder…
To doze off in those arms
To end the nights with sweet lullaby
To wake up with those big and beautiful eyes
To start every morning with hugs and kisses
and knowing that only 6 nights and 7 mornings left.
Harder, still.
to have the right and chance for a little fairness
for a little hope.
for a little future.
but not to fight for it.
Hardest of all.
to have everything all that i need
but him.
to fall again and again
stumble and stumble
to bleed and to suffer
to bear the pain
and
not having the strength anymore.
not having the reason to live.
yours that you left,
nfhms.
January 15, 2010
Another Day Dies
The sun slowly sinks
Another day dies
I feel it plucked from my heart.
Another day gone
I can't get it back
Another day spent without you.
One less day with you
One less smile from you
One less moment snug in your arms.
The sun slowly sinks
Another day dies
and with it, a piece of my soul...
yours forever,
nfhms.
Another day dies
I feel it plucked from my heart.
Another day gone
I can't get it back
Another day spent without you.
One less day with you
One less smile from you
One less moment snug in your arms.
The sun slowly sinks
Another day dies
and with it, a piece of my soul...
yours forever,
nfhms.
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