tingtong 9 pagi

morning people..
rise and shine.

i know.
it's early to wake up at 8.30am on a holiday.
but seeming that my biological clock has been perfectly disturbed since few weeks ago due to lots and loads night outings, my sleep is no longer 8hours exactly per day and my bedtime is no more at 10pm everynight.

having this changes makes me so passive during daytime.seriously... =.='

okay.this is not my point for writing this entry.
but i don't know what write.but i want to write.
but not about my biological clock...hmmm...

i am currently listening to Menyesal by Ressa Herlambang.
a simple song with touching melodies.
a sad song with a short lyric.
an unfamiliar song with a beautiful voice.

click 'play' and listen.




thinking still.
for a topic to write.
have some in minds,
but still looking for something else.

yesterday,
i slept late and i woke up early.
today,
i slept earlier and i still wake up early.
the day before yesterday,
i slept late and i woke up late.
two days before yesterday,
i slept earlier and i woke up late too.
last week,
i slept late and i can't sleep.

what's next..

no wonder i have been emotionally disturbed lately.
i crave for foods most of the time.
red pimple appeared on my forehead. *nice spot*
today, i started menstruating.
for this month,of course.

and today,
i compassed uitm main camp (kenanga area) for several times, looking for a goddamn parking space to park my car.but none that i found.

so, i went round and round, and round.
clock keeps ticking.i am 10minutes late by that time.

then i saw,
only staff parking are available.in the need to hurry,i parked there.
few steps heading to the class, i turned my head to the back.
i saw someone is locking the yellow goddamn thing on my wheel...oh no!

...oh yes...

here are some pictures, for you to see. maybe laugh at it. *sigh*





car scratches. check
parking summon. check
speed trap summon. check
no-uni-sticker. check
wheel clampped. check

so,what's next?

pimple oh pimple

pimple oh pimple
please go away

pimple pimple
in my face
beaming red to my disgrace

pimple pimple
people see it
people appall

pimple pimple
please go away...


ihatepimple(s),
nfhms.

that's him.

It’s 3:28 in the morning.

I fall in love with Gong Chan a.k.a Lee Dong Wook once again for I just watched a Korean series – ‘My Girl’ for the lost-count-th time. Okay, my point is I like him. In and out, head to toe; that type, yes. *head turns*

A type like Choi Siwon [Super Junior] owned. Just like Denis Oh [Sweet Spy]. The same goes for Josh Duhamel [Las Vegas]. Oh, not forgetting, Jonathan Rye Meyers [August Rush] too. A little of Robert Pattison’s [Twilight], maybe. Hey, Ryan Reynolds is not that bad!- i prefer calling him Andrew Paxton. ngee~

Fuck who they are in real life, the attitude, the quality, the personality, they displayed on the screen is what made me so into them. I think about each of them in a different particular time. I daydream being with each of them at a different place, in a different room and on a different bed. I fall for them every single time I see them. Says, what I saw is not them – the real ones.

Anyway, who cares? THEM; is what I like and that’s all that mattered.

;p



si perasan,
nfhms.



lee dong wook

choi siwon

dennis oh

duncan james.josh duhamel.jerry yen

.josh.jerry.dongwok.dennis.siwon.duncan.

i'm on drugs today...

미 안합니다 (i'm sorry)

hmm...
i just can't hold it.
it's too much.

i'm sorry. ):

but you sounded so cold.
you sounded unhappy.

is that true?
if it's true,
is that a sign?

Celoteh Pagi

morning sunshine.
wakie! wakie! everyone..

pagi ini sejuk.saya suke. (:

tetapi..
my nose is blocked.
my back is aching. *sigh*

i feel like expressing.but i don't know how.
for i don't exactly know what the hell i am feeling now.. *sigh*

i should be revising.
but oh i am so fucking lazy. *sigh*

maybe i should start inserting pictures to this blog.
no.i don't feel like doing it now..*sigh*


4 *sigh*?

what the hell is wrong with you, fara?
come on. wake up! wake up!


si-tak-nak-buat-ape-ape,
nfhms.

Kerenah Malam

saya tak sihat.
dia tak ada.
saya tak suke..

sekian,terima kasih.

I have a lame page

I know. I know.
Just looking at the fonts and the colors explains everything.I suck in matching up colors for a blog.

Imagine this site without the picture of a lady above and the i-don't-get-dizzy-wandering-around-in-this-box-non-stop fishes. Anyway, having them on this page doesn't wow you pun kan?

Okay. Gonna add related pictures for entry that i feel like associating it with one.

cuba teka

i miss you...


p/s:

if you think that it is you, it is you then.
if you think that it is him, it is him then.
if you think that it is her, it is her then.

perasan betul! haha



yours always,
nfhms.

1st summon

date: January, 13th

venue: elite highway

speed: 122kmph


got the first summon.great? NO.

mommy nagged.great? NO.


yesterday,
more than 5 speed-trap booths along the north-south highway.

and my minimum speed was 140kmph.

oh F***!

???

home sweet home

I’m home.

I was welcomed by excited screams and oh-i-miss-you smiles. All my nieces and a nephew ran on their little foot and gave me delightful hugs before I could enter the house. I smiled.

Kisses landed on my cheek as I shakehand with my father and mother. Something was running inside that is indescribable. Maybe it is the miss. If it does, never have I realized that I miss them that much. Maybe it is the feeling of sadness, sympathy, or maybe hurt? discontented? All I know the emotions are mixed. It is beyond word. So, I faked a smile to them.

That’s my sister; walking towards me, offered me her hand, and threw me a hug. A hug that told me don’t be sad, be strong. I felt like crying as she is the one who knows and understands what I am going through now. I drew a force smile.

Acting is hard. But soon, they’ll find out. Let’s time decide.

I saw the shine of red, black, yellow, and green colors on the dining table. Oh! It’s the foods!

I’ve got to go. Till then.


lost-little-girl,
nfhms.

Thank You : Episode 3 [Yiya]

"Yiya ialah seorang yang gila"

Hmm..i love this line. ;p

Yes, I am going to write about her in this entry. Yiya – she is my 1-month-plus-old housemate. 1 month is a very short period of time, though I get along well with her. Too many things had happened and it seemed like I’ve known her since long before. She is like my everyday kind of thing, like coffee or maybe tea. Someone I can count on to perk me up. She is fun and she is crazy! She can cook, she is the one! For every shake of my head, there is still something served on the table. Let alone for every nod. Being a year younger than me doesn’t deny the fact that she acts more like a sister/mother to me. She makes me feel like I’m home in this little house.

I felt sorry for her, for things turned out hell few days after she moved into my house. It all started with smiles and laughter, but sad to mention that it ended up with fake smiles and tears. Less talking and the three of us were not doing things together anymore. No more breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper together. I rarely saw her in the house for I was too busy appreciating those last moments.

One day, I walked into her room, crying. So she offered me a hug. For after a long silence, we both knew what was happening but unable to bring ourselves to talk about it. I slept with her from that night on. We discovered our similarities and appreciating it. We spend more and more time together. We talk, we sing, we laugh. We seek fun and joy in our friendship. She brings back the happiness I longed for. I know it can’t replace the one that I’ve lost. But at least, she put the big orange sun in the house and made it shines once again.

Thanks YIYA, for making everything appears possible to me.


p/s:

pardon the title.
in this entry, i would like to thank
Mior, Faris & Van, Akmal, Wan, Sis Farah Z, Sis Mimi Chan, Sis Lalis, Sis Nui, Don, Sopie, Palie, Girl, Ery, Hadry, Kylla, Mc Naim, Fe & Aunty Ez, & etc.

for the wise words, unconditional support, and for the love. (:


girlfriend,
nfhms.

Thank You : Episode 2 [C5 Crew]

Phye & Funzy
are buddies that I love, so much. In every ups and downs, both of you never let go off my hand. Always there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes both of you can be quite a jerk; you bullied me, scolded me, and ignored me when you disagree with me. But I know, you do it for good. At times both of you can be so lovable that I feel like hugging both of you all the time. When I cry, both of you offer me hugs, sweep away my tears, calm me down and make me laugh. You scolded me when I skipped my meals. You hit my head when I did stupid things. You called me stupid when I neglect my health and studies. You are always there for me, 24/7. Calling me ‘bebeh’ to lighten up my day. Accompany me when I feel lonely. Best companions ever for you don’t have any objection in everything I do when we hang out, when we get wild, and when we get crazy. What I thankful the most that both of you accept me the way I am. Both of you are indeed my best-friends, forever.

MimiE, Nonie, Ejay, Ann, Joy, Carol & Zuan
For every one-to-one basis meeting, you never forget to ask how am I doing. A simple question but it means a lot to me. I know there are things that left unanswered but I am planning not to breath everything. What done is done. But the most important thing is I want to thank all of you for every single minute you spent for / with me. For each support, for every laughter, for every word, for every effort to make me carve that little smile, and for everything. For without it, I may not be as strong as I am now, I may not be able to draw a smile, and I may think that I am alone. A simple encounter, a simple text, a simple chat, a simple hug, a simple touch; are enough to show me that you care. Enough to tell me that you love me. Enough to comfort me. Enough to push aside the sadness. I wish there are 48hours per day and 14days in a week, so that I could spend more time with all of you.

Not forgetting, to the rest of cohort 5 crew;

Wewi, Zaty, Mimi, Ash, Daya, Nisa, Syeila, Yana, Iwing, Raf, Mark, Azmi, Kadrey, Zaidy, Ikram.

Thank you for the poem, for the moral support, for the words of wisdom, for the meaningful smile and eye-contact, and for everything. [too many to be written here].


love u all,
nfhms.

Thank You : Episode 1 [you, you & you]

When I was left untold, you go for my right.

When I was too innocent, you taught me not to be one.

When I lost hope, you told me not to die just yet.

You and me were never get closed before even though I aware of your existence. We even barely talked to each other. It is awkward to think how close we are now. A person I developed trust upon after a single text. Never have I known you will throw me words of wisdom as if we have been friends for ages. Whispering words that keep me looking forward for tomorrow.

You made me see things from every possible angle. You proved to me that a non-judging person is real. You taught me to be wise. Oh, how I adore the way you think. You always try to make time for me despite packed classes and tons of work. You stayed up till morning, listening to my mourning with that long-sleeved still on. You accompanied me when I don’t know how to cope with the loss. You lend me your ears, you lend me your hand, and you lend me your shoulder. When I don’t know what should I do and where do I go, you are always there, shooing away my sorrow. THANK YOU.


When I was depressed, you offered me a ride.

When I was lonely, you took me for an outing.

You and me are classmates. We never get the chance to spend time together for both of us were busy with our own personal businesses. As time passed by, we found something in common so we hung out quite a lot. You did fun things to cheer me up when I was really down. You gave me a very joyful night ride. You showed me what fun is. You took care of me like I am your sister. You are always there for me despite our differences.

Now, it has been almost 1 year and there you are, still taking care of me when life is hard on me. THANK YOU.


When I reached you on the phone, you were always there.

When I cried, you calmed me down.

You never really knew me and I only know tiny piece about you. We smile in each encounter but we barely talk to each other. Perhaps we talk whenever necessary. I always adore you – the way you smile and the way you speak but I don’t understand why we never really be friends. But I know I can trust you. You acted like a big sister. Checking on me whenever you’re free and calming me down whenever you heard me crying. You texted me valuable advice and you told me that everything is going to be fine. You wanted to share the burden I carry. You hugged me when I cry.

How lucky I am for you are still there. Leaving me a place to curl up whenever I need one. THANK YOU.


yours truly,
nfhms.

Chapter Closed : Part II

It has been 12 days since the last goodbye.

Time goes on but I don’t. I need change but not bring myself to accept one. Agreed with a friend of mine; it is like the process of deleting a habit. but I must try.

I have to face this abrupt loss, after all. Deal with it, cope with it, and live with it.

When people ask or say;
“How are you?”
“Are you okay?”
“Be strong!”


“I’m fine, thank you.” (nodding)
“I’m okay.” (nodding)
“…” (smiling and nodding)

are my answers. Maybe I literally mean it. Maybe I don’t.
I can’t tell how I feel. I can’t tell what I am thinking of. I don’t know what I do. I don’t know where I am heading to.

Yes. I am lost. Lost at thinking perhaps?

I know there are 2 ways of coping up with this.

First, delete all pictures, phone numbers, bittersweet memories, cut the connections, forget everything, be a stranger and move on; in which good for me and this is what many 'broken-hearts' try to do.

or...

keep everything, smiles in each encounter, remember everything, take everything with you and move on; in which way much better but harder to be done.

hurm… *thinking*

I’ll go for the second one. I’ll work on it.

Chapter is closed. I am moving on, and who’s coming with me?


yours truly,
nfhms.

Chapter Closed : Part I

What I am going to write is a sad love story. A chapter in my life.

Some understand about the whole episode.
Many know parts of it.
Lots are aware that there is a history.

But only few know everything.
Perhaps the characters in this tale,
…she, him and I.

Some observed. Some ignored.
Many cared. Only little involved.

I never thought to write or give any comments for what had happened. I never planned to.
But today, I feel like writing. I feel like summarizing.
It hurts, for sure. It is painful, of course.

I am naïve. I am innocent. I believed that every story has a happy ending.
At the age of eighteen, I found this love. A love that shaped what I am today.
Like an angel (without the wings), so pure and so clean, I had devoted myself to this love.
I went through the most vital growing up phase; a phase of transition from a guiltless teenager to a matured young adult, with this love around.
I forgot what independent mean. I forgot what distant mean. I forgot what individual mean.
My world revolved around him.
He has become my better half. He has become my habit. He has become my everything.
Always have and forever will.

After almost 4 years, hope has sprung a perfect dive.
A dream of happy ending sunk. A bright future submerged.
He suddenly had to leave. Like a fatherless-sibling-less-4-year-old girl who is going to lose her mother, that is how I feel. I don’t know where do I go or nor I know what I should do.
This is beyond what I expected or rather hoped it to be. It conceded my defeat. It shattered my world. It broke my heart. It pulled out the plug of my life.

He is now no longer I meet on one-to-one basis. I just heard his name from my other friends. Of course it hurts knowing he is reachable but unable to be in contact but that’s fine. This is what fate wants me to learn;

love mustn’t have to own

This is what fate has decided for me.

This chapter is closed.



yours truly,
nfhms.